acronym-ing the name

The thing about being Mandarin-illiterate is that I never really knew the meaning behind my name. Direct translation would make my name Opening Switzerland Firefly. How perfectly wonderful. It totally makes sense. The meaning is so darn profound, no one but the highest ranking eunuch in the Ming Dynasty can decipher it.

So I asked friends who are better in Mandarin. By god, the number of different interpretations! I got things like Sharp Firefly, Paper Hero, Sharp Hero, and so on. Aduh. My imagination just broke down. Why on earth did my parents name me after an insect that glows to attract mates?!

While I continue with my quest to derive some form of meaning to my name, I'll just indulge in a little bout of narcissism. I know I don't normally do this, but who cares?

S - skilled in soporification
U - understandably unapproachable
I - inanely idiosyncratic
Y - yearns to yacht up the Yangtze
I - ideal ignoramus
N - naturally nocturnal
G - game to gallivant with gays

that makes more sense than Paper Firefly, doesn't it?

lepas geram. again.

I am frustrated.
I am tired.
I am malnourished.
I have sleep problems.
I am bleeding in the toe.
I am mentally fatigued.
I am stupid.
I am unimaginative.

I feel so inferior.
I am doomed.

BAH.

I get tired of life sometimes. Don't you? The unvarying routine, the repetitive chores, the lack of variety. And the realization that I actually have so many things to do but I am just too lazy to start doing any of them. And the fact that time feels like it takes forever to pass when I am bored, and yet, at this time, I am beginning to wonder what happened to the 8 hours I could have studied Pre-Cal. Damn. I am SO dead. Let me kill myself before I die in the hands of CGPA.

I feel forsaken, by everyone and everything, by the whole world.

My Pre-Cal is moderately okay, when I really need it to be perfect.

My MSN is as populated as The Dead Sea. I'm not blaming you people, I know it's 3 am.

My roommate is sleeping. Soundly. As always.
I, on the other hand, am having trouble sleeping at night.
My blog is my proof.

My brain decided to celebrate independence.

And the most irritating thing is, when I tried to scream away my ke-kns-an, all that came out was a growl. Dammit. Scream oso dunno. Is that retarded or what?

When I tried to snap my stupid pencil in half, I ended up sharpening all of them.

When I start thinking of burning the Pre-Cal book, I realized I have no matches. or lighters.

Oh God. I need someone to strangle.

But looking at my failed attempts to 'let go' physically, I'll probably end up shaking hands or something.

Garrrrhhhhh.

This failure of the human race is going to vent out her frustration by razing the entire British colony to the ground with her uber-cool Japanese army.

Wow. The thought of that made me feel better already :)

lovely vibrations

Vincent, by Don McLean

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer’s day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colours on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they’ll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds and violet haze
Reflect in vincent’s eyes of china blue
Colours changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artists’ loving hand

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they’ll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you, Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

Starry starry night
portraits hung in empty halls
frameless heads on nameless walls
with eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you’ve met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They’re not listening still
Perhaps they never will...

in the darkest moments of the day, i am soothed and at peace. for i know death can be beautiful. and so can life.

you know you have a death wish when:

1. you walk your umbrella-less classmate home to tilt your karma balance slightly to heaven.

2. you smile at the guy on a bike who nearly razed you to the sidewalk because he was almost hit by an opening umbrella.

3. you look at the detergent bottles wondering which would look best as an urn.

4. you go on and buy 3 Maggi Hot Cups hoping that everything other people say about instant noodles is true.

5. you wonder if you should burn down the bloody trees that grow right smack in the middle of the sidewalk.

6. you wonder what would happen if you gave the mak guard zerr fingerr.

7. you let the lizard live because you don't want to meet it in heaven (or hell)

8. you drink water straight from the tap.

9. you sit on the balcony and wish you were higher up.

10. you make up another just so you can get a nice round number.

indeed, facilitating death has never been easier.

before-dawn moments

Why do I stay up till the morning light?

because then,

i see bubbles of dreams floating by

iridescent fragile inviting

i touch wisps of thoughts that ripple the air

like liquid smoke

i hear breaths of people caressed by sleep

forgetting eluding escaping

i feel like the world is mine

for that,

i'd pay the price

of sleep