driving lessons

So far, I'd had six hours of lessons already. Four more to go! :)

Anyway, I switched instructors. No more Mister Geezer. Yay. I got to choose between two new instructors: another old fella and a young one. So I was like, the young one! the young one! because obviously, I'd prefer to spend ten hours of my life with a strapping young hottie than with a wheezy old greybeard. Then I saw the cars that come with the person. They were inversely proportional to their ages. Young dood will be teaching in a faded red Kancil that spews grey smoke. Old apek will be teaching in a brand new silver Kancil that runs as smooth as a Proton possibly can.

Okay...

So I went with the old fella. Strapping young hottie wasn't that strapping nor was he a hottie. And wheezy old greybeard doesn't wheeze that much and is actually clean-shaven. Gosh. I wonder if I'd do the same with husbands..

ANYWAY

I decided to name my instructor Speeder

#1. Because his top advice to me is "Slow down. Slow down. Don't speeding. Brake. Brake! BRAKE!!!!"

#2. He drives as fast as I did when he gave me 'advice' okay.. okay.. at half the acceleration.

#3. Because he repeatedly reminds me to watch the speedometer so that I don't exceed the speed limit. "Look at speedo ha.. Look at speedo.. See, over 30 at zebra-crossing already. Fail then you know.."

Do you know how hard it is to concentrate on driving when he does #3? I mean, the dude is practically begging me to 'look at speedo'! And to me, speedos do not have numbers... So everytime he says speedo, images of swimming pools and six-packs and tans and incredibly sexy parts of the male body and Phelps and muscles start flashing by my line of sight.

The first time he said that, I actually snorted and stepped on the accelerator instead of the brakes. Hard. I had the time of my life! :D 

And I think he formed a very close friendship with the seatbelt. Love the way he clings to it every time I act dumb! Once, I stepped on the accelerator at the sharpest point of a turn and said "whoops! i thought that was the brake!" and I thought he'd laugh. He didn't. He was clutching the belt like he was dangling off it a mile above ground. Priceless.

But other than messing around with Speeder, there isn't much I can think of that is even remotely interesting. Parking, 3-point-turns and hills are pretty much no-brainers. Your engine dying in the middle of a busy junction might seem pretty embarrassing, but really, a smile and a wave and everybody forgives you.

In fact, driving by the rules gets pretty frustrating after a while. 30kmph is sooo slooowww. And pulling handbrakes at every bloody junction and looking leftrightleft even though the place is as populated as Pluto gets really irritating. And for some reason, the ticking of the signal lights bother me.

Anyway, if any of you have ideas on what more I can pull on Mister Speeder, please drop a doodle or two! Come on, give us something to write ;)

again again

See, today I was up at 8 in the morning cuz I had driving lessons at 9. So my dad drops me at this restaurant for breakfast while he drives my mum to work. For Taiping people, it's Yut Sun Restaurant - the one with extremely juicy toast. So. I walk in, sit down, look expectantly around.. And the old man who owned the place approached me. Cuz his workers are busy, not cuz he has a thing for me.

It's all in Hokkien. I shall translate as best as I can.

Boy, what do you want to drink?

*resigned sigh*

These things never cease to happen, eh? We are who we are...

Teh tarik, please.

Dude shuffles off while shouting my order. I wait. 3 minutes later, he comes back with my tea.

Thank you, uncle 

(See, I can be polite when I want to. Wanted to call him Auntie.)

Welcome. So, where are your parents?

(Feeling a bit suspicious since I know he doesn't know me nor my parents)

My dad's driving my mum to work.

Ah.. School holiday started?

Erm.. Yeah.

So, enjoying your holiday?

*thinks back to SAT2 but suddenly remembers the 5 episodes of House last night*

Yeahh..

Well, you deserve a break after all the studying.

Er. Yeah.

So, how was your PMR?

...

What. The. Eff! PMR?!

He thinks I'm a 15-year-old boy!

!!!

...

*Exerts enormous self-control*

OK lah.

So how? Think you can do well? How many A's do you think you can get?

Err. Seven?

Wah.. Very confident huh?

Heh.

But you have to remember PMR is just the first step for you. SPM is the real thing. You better start study for Form 4.

Yeah uncle. I study already.

Wah! Good for you! Study hard so that you can get all A's for your SPM!

Yes yes.

OK lah, enjoy your breakfast. And good luck!

Huh. I was too sleepy and my command of Hokkien is not enough to convey the very complex idea that I am actually a girl.

I give up.

bah. titles. i can't think of one.

i'm amazed how many people actually read that huge block of text below. i mean, i didn't think you people would think it worthwhile to wade through lines and lines of stupid sentences and missing capital letters. so, wow. i was amazed i even had responses. to those who read, thank you so much for your time. i know i didn't make much sense. your replies mean a lot to me. especially yours, jane. and to a certain someone who didn't reply, but did talk to me about it, i appreciate your willingness to listen.

i think it would take a long time for me to find my answers. it isn't exactly google-able. but i guess that is what makes life beautiful. the eternal quest for answers to even the humblest of questions. and i think i AM finding my answers, now that i keep my eyes open.

***

my holiday was full of thoughtful moments, punctuated by splashing waves and over-enthusiastic jet-skiers. i learnt a lot. for example, i learnt that you can get attached to a sunset. 

this is my sunset and it is beautiful. i don't care if you think it's ugly or mediocre or [insert negative adjective] but i think it looks like a stairway to Helios's golden realm of fire and wonders. it's like you can just step on the waves and reach the brightly burning gateway to the sun and when you peek through you just might catch a glimpse of Helios and his chariot and you can see his horses panting fire and their white-hot horseshoes smoking as they cool. i know i sound cliched and touristadvert-like and i know the 'e' in 'cliche' has a 'shck' above it but i don't care enough to bother googling nor sitting for 5 minutes cracking my head for a godforsaken SAT word.

oh. and i learnt that Borneo isn't the only place to find hornbills. yes, people. Pangkor has them too! Hornbills!

i swear these are real! and a note to my dear Sarawakian friends: these fellas measure about 3 feet from tip to tip. so, Bamboo, it IS possible for them to perch on electric cables. they just prefer hanging out on trees. hah.

so i guess we can safely conclude that this trip wasn't so pointless after all. i got to see my hornbills :) 

a block of text. or two.

you know what. i seriously do not know why i'm doing this. why am i putting my hopes on something as far away as an ivy league university? why am i hoping for what's impossible? why am i aiming for something i don't think i want in the first place? and while i'm at it, why am i bothering to hope for what is a hopeless cause? why do i do the stuff i do? why? i keep telling myself that i'm giving myself more of a chance to be a better person than i am, but i can't help but think that i will be a better person if i actually follow what i really want to do. which leads me to the question of what is it that i want to do? i don't know. i just know that i have this crazy longing to throw all of this off my back and just walk off. just walk off. sometimes i get scared. i wonder why am i following the crowd. i wonder why am i listening to people i barely know telling me what is good for me. i wonder. and i never get the answer. it's weird. the people i really admire, the people who i really want to become, they never did all this. they didn't need to. that they never did was probably what made them who they are. who i really want to become. i don't know. i just can't find any reason to continue doing this. it's all so pointless. so easy to follow. so easy to do. so easy to hunker down, forget all this and study electrons. so easy. to follow unquestioningly, to do what i 'have' to do. to do what other people 'want' me to do. to make myself 'enjoy' doing all this because it is easier than contemplating other paths to carve in my life. so easy to just accept. i don't know. the more i 'succeed', the more i feel like i'm 'failing'. i want to pack my bags and walk out of this life. be a writer. travel. float aimlessly amidst humanity. but i don't. why? because i'm afraid. because i don't know if i can survive. because i am a coward. because it is all so uncertain and hazy and no one's done it before. and that is what i hate about myself. i abhor control. i seek freedom. and yet i shackle myself to this, too scared to seek the freedom i profess to crave. lying to myself about myself. gosh. how sad can that get? i just hope this great big block of text stopped some people from reading this. but in a way, when you get too personal, it becomes impersonal. because people stop caring. i know nobody would care about this because they know that no matter how much i complain, i would still continue doing what i do. hence, my willingness to write about this. this burden i carry, yet i know not why i take it. it's a bit like the story of Sisyphus, except he pretty much has his task outlined for him by a god. well, lucky him. i don't know who outlined my task, nor what my task is. and i don't even know if i'm doing my task right, nor if i'm doing the right task. i do not know why i'm doing what i do. i enjoy it, but i can't help but think i can enjoy doing other things too. i just don't understand why i'm doing all this when it is so easy to change and do something else. oh yes it's easy to change. getting a scholarship might seem tough to some, but losing one is so darn temptingly easy. and possibly fun. i just want a reason to do what i do. maybe i'll find it. maybe i won't. but i am just going to revert back to human android mode tomorrow and stop throwing questions with no answers into the air like they're helium balloons. and that is sad. i hope i won't delete this post. this is the most lucid i felt in months. possibly years. but lucidity is subjective. just like everything that really matters in our sad little lives. i guess we made it subjective so that we can lie to ourselves that we are who we are not. how exceedingly clever. bah. damn all this to hell. it all ends in death anyway. everything else is just the details. how quaint. okay. back to unquestioning, numb, happy android mode. come, let us have fun with physics. because i have to do it, might as well have fun doing it. amazing what i can make myself do. amazing that i can protest and do it at the same time. i might make a good politician. who knows. i don't.

***

i'm part of a coincidental occurrence where five people accidentally travel at the same time at the same speed to the same place where they happen to do the same thing. and one of them happens to be paying enough for all of them. i think they call it a holiday. i'm going to that island they named Pangkor, which i think is a sucky name for an island because it just doesn't roll off your tongue and it sounds like a name i would assign a cooking utensil. so. a holiday. tomorrow. i mean, today. in a few hour's time the few humans i will travel with will rise. and i too shall rise and pretend i had a fantastic night dreaming about rainbows and unicorns. i am amazingly good at doing this. the only attraction that island holds for me is this - i was happy here. i was pure and innocent and in love with life. and in love with a whole lot of other things. sandcastles. buckets. the sea. the sky. clouds. the pony. beach balls. jet skis. crabs. seashells, kites. coconut leaves. i want to find the place where i was happy. i want to go back there. i want to return to where i remember being in absolute bliss. but i know what will happen if i do. i will stare at the miserable beach that looked so much like paradise when i was a kid. i will look at it and see a sad little patch of insignificant sand filled with utterly ugly calcium formations. i will look at what was the magnificent blue sea and see waves full of jellyfish and trash. i might even find the pipe whereby the hotel dumps the waste into the water. and i will smirk at the people in the sea. but there will be no humour in that smirk. it just means another part of my childhood has been corrupted. and i smirk in acceptance. i was seven then. i am seventeen now. there you go. ten years, and i come back. i come back to ruin your memory. there you go. this is how i ruin a holiday.

another jobless post

sign of madness #4

15 minutes looking for calculator

failed

10 minutes looking for phone

found

5 minutes wondering what number to dial

oh no

I didn't save the number

how am I supposed to call 

the freaking calculator

and make it ring

so that I can find it?

***

I'm sad to say that really happened. Behold my ever-developing dementia.

practicing math

I did a Math2 practice test yesterday. I mean, 15 hours ago. And it took me five hours to finish. Heh. Amazing, innit? Dear AmyRoomie I'm sure you know how I study for Math :D so let me tell you what I managed to do this time.

I read about 10 pages of bash.org, disembowelled an alarm clock to switch the hour and the minute hands, burned all my movies onto DVDs, combed the net for a game that can run on my Acer and that I actually like, reorganized all my music and e-books, played with my stupid Facebook pet until it's currently bankrupt, chatted with a few friends, brushed my teeth thrice cuz I forgot I did already, completed half a Lit practice test, blogged, had a weird thought about God and Places of Worship, ate Crackers + (Milo - H2O), choked and sprayed Milo powder all over the keyboard which thankfully is the foldable rubber one that I decided to try,

And wrote an essay for CommonApp.

Amazing, the things I do to escape Math.

But I won't be using the essay though. It's too stupid. I mean, who in their right minds would swear that their life changes with their hairstyle? And who in their right minds will let someone like that lose in their college?

So I binned it and finished up the last few questions and crawled back to bed because the sun has risen and is sapping away all my energy. I'm just surprised I actually wrote a freaking essay. Still am. Maybe I shouldn't have binned it. Ah. Too late to regret.

As you can see, yes, I am damn jobless.

woke up to a rectangle

I am happy to say that I actually took three whole days since getting back home to revert fully to my natural biological rhythm.

Anyway, I woke up today to vigorous shaking and to

Oi, you got a letter!

And my first thought was

#@%I can login when I bangun lahh..$&@

Oi! Letter ah oi!

&#!Email won't explode if you don't open lah..#*&

Letter! Oi! Wake up already! From YooEss!

Duh, must be from some univ...

(!!!)

Letter? You mean the paper one? Wow! Who would actually send a real cellulose-based letter all the way from US? To me?

A letter!

A true-blue letter!

For me!

So I grabbed the green rectangle and flipped to see if it was really for me.

*flip*

And miss oejane's much-loved handwriting greeted my overjoyed eyes. Magical, what a few simple lines can do. Memories and thoughts, sights and smells, condensation of fun and evaporation of tears. Fuh. Damn intense sensory experience, I tell you.

All from a simple letter.

It's amazing how much a dear friend can touch you, even if you're half a world apart, even if you haven't seen each other for months, even if you really can't picture her life right now.

Even through her handwriting on the back of a battered green envelope.

And Jane, I will let the record stand :)

And I will pass on the very profound revelation :D

drunk with LOL

You know those utterly unexpected moments of complete stupidity?

When you type something and it just comes out wrong?

Very wrong?

And you friend fricking catches it and rubs it in with salt?

I know them very well :D

And I found a treasure trove full of stupid moments like these!

YAY!

I don't feel alone anymore!

Visit Deviantart's LOL Corner!

Was supposed to fill in CommonApp but double-yoo-tee-eff this is too darn great.

***blame these***

[gonorea] helllo
[Chuckskull] wow what a name 
[gonorea] my name?
[Chuckskull] gonorea: yeah...
[gonorea] whatever...
[Chuckskull] [link] gonorea
[gonorea] i come from bulgaria
[Chuckskull] Thats an unlucky culture clash 
[gonorea] o0o0o0o s***t m***r f**r
[gonorea] aaa

[ash--tray] there's only one i in dictionary, smartass
[ash--tray] SHIT

[CHUCKY93] ;__________________________________;
[BlackHawk00021] well that puts new meaning into the phrase 'why the long face?'

[APimpingSquirrel] o_o I am dying of thrust
[APimpingSquirrel] thurst*
[APimpingSquirrel] WOW.
[sirniqman] APimpingSquirrel: Sexual Fail.

[andthemusic] Anyone watch Herpes?
[andthemusic] LOL.
[andthemusic] HEROES. I meant Heroes!

***

I love this stuff!

Life just ain't complete without stupidity and silliness!

And I have nothing to say to people who don't understand stupidity. It's stupid, dammit, how hard is it to understand?

...

Ah. I think I just found out why people don't talk to me.

Damnation.

a fortnight

I admit I have felt a little intimidated by all the sighings of my fellow Austinians concerning SAT2 and applications. And I felt really uncomfortable when you talked to me about how much you DIDN'T do and how much time you've been 'wasting'. Why? Because then, frightening images of my very empty CommonApp form and very virgin SAT2 books start flashing right in front of my eyes. *

And thus I had to constantly remind myself to take my break. To take the fortnight of rest and relaxation I had promised myself. To let my CPU cool down, so to say.

I'm glad to say I did :)

This fortnight I regained the suiying that I somehow lost during the Finals and SAT2 week. It's amazing, now that I look back, how stressed I was inside. The rather stupid way I planned to beat the reading exam, the internal mental flogging I put myself through before and after PreCal, the hasty way I memorised Theology without even appreciating the culture and the amount of thought that goes with it, the way I wrote the essay to please a lecturer and not myself. That was not who I am. And I am appalled at how I let something as transient as an exam distort me so much in such a short time.

Thank you, Time, for giving me these two weeks.

for letting me recover who was lost

for reminding me of what is really important

for showing me that someone still cares

for helping me mend fences

for blooming a blossoming friendship

for great books and great music

for the way I see the world

*And no, I'm not blaming any of you. It is a perfectly understandable need for you to let off steam after all the pressure you put yourself through, which rather defeats the point of complaining that you didn't do much in the first place. But hey, you're reading about someone who considers 'worrying' part of 'work' and 'effort' so really, it's not your fault. This paragraph is specially dedicated to KayJay and Ronnie(who never reads blogs anyway) so this is for you, KayJay. It's not your fault so don't start apologising.

a lightbulb of an idea

Know what I would absolutively love to do when I get back to school?

Go to the computer labs.

And change the languages to Yiddish.

Or Krygyz.

Depends on my mood.

If I'm feeling particularly benevolent, I might settle for Google's Pirate.

Arrr ye matey! I Be Feelin' Lucky!

lunch

Allow me to set the scenario. My roommate Amy is staying at the INTEC hostel (Akasia) because plane tickets simply cost too much for two trips. In fact, all my housemates didn't go back to Sarawak because they are sitting for SAT2 on Dec6.

So.

I got a text from Amy at noon today:

[published with her permission, of course]

This morning i woke up, 

brush my teeth, realise 

the kitchen smells horrible...

Can't find the source, so i 

assumed it's from outside. 

Then, in the middle of 

washing my hands, i had a 

fleeting suspicion. 

Walked over to cooking pot.

Look inside, made a stupid 

decision to smell.

...

Now i know how two days 

old egg/vege/godknowswhatelse 

smells like.

>__<

LOL. The desperation and the horror. Love it.

Anybody wants to have lunch with Amy?

Maggots included :)

hello there, hottie

Is it just me, 

or did you also fall in love with him at first sight?

His name's Polar FT80.

again

See, it was my very first driving lesson. 

And it was all in Hokkien. And you know how great my Hokkien is! Oh, and a healthy mix of Mandarin too. And you definitely know how great my Mandarin is!

BUT, since I am such a great driver *ahem* I managed to do everything right even though my instructor(hereafter known as Geezer)'s instructions were pretty hazy *insert image of intrepid explorer*

I initially had trouble with the 1st gear cuz I didn't understand that you are NOT supposed to lift the clutch all the way up. But I got the message eventually :D

Things got pretty dull after that. I mean, how interesting can cruising along a road ten times over get? And Geezer kept going "Kah ban.. kah ban.."(Slower.. slower..). I was doing less than forty! On an empty stretch! Can't you see that tortoise zooming past?! Felt like pretending the accelerator was the brake, but I think I better get my licence first, yes?

Anyway, here is the most interesting part of the entire thing.

See, Geezer was reminding me to let go of the clutch slooowly for the first gear:

Ban ban gia khi lai, boy.

So I slowly....(!) 

What? 

What did you just call me?

(!!!)

Boy?

After you took my IC and freaking wrote my very feminine name on a paper?

Boy?

In bright sunlight and sitting barely 50cm from me?

BOY?

Confirm.

My driving instructor is blind :P

auditory mystery

LOLLIPOP

~MIKA~

Hey, what's the big idea?

Yo Mika.

I said, 

sucking too hard on your lollipop, 

or love's gonna get you down,

I said, 

sucking too hard on your lollipop, 

or love's gonna get you down.

Sucking too hard on your lollipop, 

or love's gonna get you down,

sucking too hard on your lollipop, 

or love's gonna get you down.

Say love, say love,

or love's gonna get you down.

say love, say love,

or love's gonna get you down.

I went walking in with my mama one day,

when she warn me what people say,

live your life until love is found,

'cause love's gonna get you down.

Take a look at the girl next door,

she's a player and a down right whore,

Jesus loves her, she wants more,

oh bad girls get you down.

Singing,

Sucking too hard on your lollipop, 

or love's gonna get you down,

sucking too hard on your lollipop, 

or love's gonna get you down.

Say love, say love,

or love's gonna get you down.

say love, say love,

or love's gonna get you down.

Mama told me what I should know,

too much candy gonna rot your soul,

if she loves you, let her go,

'cause love only gets you down.

Take a look at the boy like me,

never stood on my own two feet,

now I'm blue, as I can be,

oh love couldn't get me down.

Singing,

sucking too hard on your lollipop, 

or love's gonna get you down,

sucking too hard on your lollipop, 

or love's gonna get you down.

Say love, say love,

or love's gonna get you down.

say love, say love,

or love's gonna get you down.

I went walking with my mama one day,

when she warn me what people say,

live your life until love is found,

or love's gonna get you down.

Singing,

sucking too hard on your lollipop, 

or love's gonna get you down,

sucking too hard on your lollipop, 

or love's gonna get you down.

Say love (say love), say love (say love),

or love's gonna get you down.

say love (say love), say love (say love),

or love's gonna get you down.

Mama told me what I should know,

too much candy gonna rot your soul,

if she loves you, let her go,

'cause love only gets you down.

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh, lollipop.

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh, lollipop.

Sucking too hard on your lollipop, 

or love's gonna get you down,

say, 

sucking too hard on your lollipop, 

or love's gonna get you down. 

Tell me why am I bopping along to this song? It's like, stuck between my ossicles. It's too happy for me. Yet I like it. It's so freaking happy, it might almost make HSM. Gosh. I am in denial. It's so bloody happy! Nabe! What's happening to me? Why me? Why this?

melting milo ais

This afternoon, I chucked a can of Milo® into the freezer. Because I wanted my Milo® ice-cold as soon as I finish pwning the Spanish in the AOE Campaign game.

After I pwned it, I went on to pwn the Lago del Luna. And forgot my Milo®.

Now, 12 hours later, I have Ice Milo®. Specifically, Milo® flavoured ice. I shake the can, and I don't hear a thing. Water vapour condense at the sides and immediately freeze.

I put my tongue onto the can....

But it didn't get stuck. Damn.

I want my iced Milo®! Now I have to wait for it to thaw.

Fine. I shall utilize the heat emitted by my laptop to speed up the melting. Increase the amount of useful energy. Let my laptop feel like a more efficient machine. I would use body heat, but my shirt will get wet.

Melt, ye Milo®!

That has got to be the most jobless post ever. But come on, that's what blogs are for, yes?

Maybe opening the can would speed things up...

And yes, the ®  is annoying, isn't it? Imagine if legal issues force us to put ® for every brand. McDonalds®, Windows Vista®, Bugger®, Halelujah®, Verity®...

Am I gonna get into legal trouble here?

Hopefully trouble comes after I've had my melted Ice Milo®. It's its fault I'm typing this in the first place.

Must. Have. Milo. Melted.

Cheers :)

sanskrit literature 101

Being bored, I rummaged (haha, Louisa) through my books and voila! unearthed Sir Richard Burton's most notable contribution to the world of literature - the English translation of the ancient Sanskrit text on one of the most important aspect of the continuity of humanity.

Sex. Wot? What were you expecting? Politics?

I remember telling Bugger and WeiJie about the Kama Sutra while having lunch at Ausmat Cafe. If you do not know what the Kama Sutra is, heaven help you. or rather, Google help you :) Anyway, I am so sorry for my inaccurate memory, Bugger and WeiJie. Got it all mixed up (with what, I do not know)

So, as penance for my mistakes, here is a more accurate account of

How To Enlarge Your Joystick - The Ancient Indian Way

*insert cheap tacky graphics of men in Photoshopped briefs smiling coyly*

When a man wishes to enlarge his joystick, he should rub it with the bristles of certain insects that live in trees

Ganas, hor? Imagine how it would feel like, those bristles bristling around your... ah... game console. It wouldn't be rubbing, it would be more like, scrubbing...

After rubbing it for ten nights with oils, he should again rub it with the bristles as before. By continuing to do this a swelling will be gradually produced in the joystick.

No specifics on the oils, unfortunately. But hey! You've got yourself a swollen joystick!

He should then lie on a cot, and cause his joystick to hang down through a hole in the cot.

So, uh, you drill a hole through your bed, and uh, stick your, uh, through it and lie there for.. Damn. Specifics, Mr Burton! Specifics! How is Bugger going to do it if you don't tell him exactly how?

After this he should take away all the pain from the swelling by using cool concoctions.

Like ice cream

The swelling, which is called 'Suka', and is often brought about among the people of the Dravida country, lasts for life.

Hey! Not bad, right? A few weeks of bowleggedness and you have a lifetime of wow-ing ladies off their skirts!

Wait. SUKA?!?! That's! A Malay word!

Oh God.

So when my teacher said "Saya SUKA karangan kamu"

It means...

Holy crap.

*exorcises disturbing images*

But hey, that means you can actually go around threatening guys!

"Saya SUKA kamu baru tahu!"

It would almost be the equivalent of KayJay's "I KISSS you!"

Anyway, that's about it, Bugger and WeiJie. There ARE more. In fact, the entire text is online here. Have fun reading! And experimenting ;)

[Edit: This blog and its owner is not responsible for any damage to sexual organs and/or love lives brought about by excessive enthusiasm about this idea.]

Austin On Ice

What do you get when you chuck a bunch of Austinians onto ice?

A damn great time.

We embraced our n00bishness with so much vim, it's amazing they let us loose on the ice. I mean, who would walk - I mean, totter - around proudly proclaiming he's a penguin? The PreCal Mouse, that's who. Who would nearly get murdered for tying shoelaces for someone else? The Boy, that's who (Wei Jie was threatening to tell Beatrice. Little does he know I'm actually doing some community service there - a Giraffe with a loose boot is no laughing matter). Who would all collapse on the floor and pose like they're making an ad for evo? Austinians, that's who. At this point, if you are a true Austinian, you would be puffing up with pride and an odd sort of patriotism already. If Austin had a battle-cry, now would be the time to bellow it. Hey, wait. How come we don't have one?

Anyway, I find it ironic that all of us seemed so happy, considering we were about to traipse unfamiliar and possibly perilous terrain. Gosh. I can't believe we were THAT n00b! Nobody worried! Wei Jie even said we should make the person with the most falls do something stupid. Wow. Ignorance is indeed, bliss. 

Then, came the ice.

I am proud to say I fell down within 2 minutes of stepping into the rink. While holding on to the walls, no less. That's because it is so unbelievably funny to see you normally happy Austinians clinging on for dear life to the freakin walls! I was expecting half of you to drop on your knees and pray! There was this look on your faces that was a mix of *holy-crap-this-is-slippery* and *i-should-have-pretended-i-liked-HSM* and *if-i-concentrate-i-will-learn-faster* and *damn-why-am-i-moving-backwards* and *i-shall-endeavor-to-fall-on-louisa* and *emotions-too-primal-to-describe-but-are-concerned-with-the-fact-that-we-are-walking-upright*. Precious precious visions!

So, I tried to skate, with rather helpful instructions from Bugger and Bamboo. And I had the time of my life! The hilarity of watching other people skate! The weird floating feeling you get when you fall! The cold seeping through your bones when you land! Amazingly, it wasn't the skating that did it for me, it was the falling. Refer to Bugger's post to know why you should think twice whether to help people up.

KayJay was my skating partner that day. Skating with a partner really helps cuz you don't fall down so often and when you stumble, you have something to hold on to. Thank you, KayJay! For some of the greatest memories ever! Us two n00bs were brave enough to venture to the centre, and not fall. Man, that was an achievement! I have to admit, KayJay was a really nice skating partner - very supportive and entertaining, not to mention he's actually concerned when you stumble (I can hear a few girls plotting to drag him to skate already). Of course, we fell a lot, but I think most of it was my fault - everytime I laugh, I fall. And I laugh. A lot. Heh. Sorry KayJay!

***Random Things I Don't Want To Forget Ever***

1) The look on KayJay's face when he is skating alone is oddly similar to that of a baby learning to walk.

2) I fell down 14 times.

3) Wei Jie and Louisa were holding hands almost all the time!

4) I stumbled and like, 4 people were trying to drag me up. I only remember Yu Chen and Bamboo O.o

5) KayJay kept proclaiming that I'm his new wife whenever we skate past Austinians. He says it extra loudly around Baba.

6) Quraish doesn't skate, he ponders the nature of the Universe. Seriously, if Aristotle ice-skates, he'd do it like Quraish.

7) Beatrice and Wei Jie cheated with each other. Louisa tried hard not to fling her sundae.

***Fabulous Falls***

See, KayJay and I were skating together, then Arif came up and said "Hey, let's skate fast!". Let's! So I grabbed Arif's hand and the three of us zoomed through the ice. It was so exhilarating! Then KayJay stumbled, I pulled him up. And I fell. Arif let go. KayJay didn't. And so we fell in the middle of the rink and skid about 10 feet on our butts. And Arif scooted away laughing. Damn you, Arif! :P But it was damn fun!

And the sweet sweet image of Wei Jie chivalrously trying to help Louisa up from the ice when he was on the ice himself.. Awww... He even managed to make Louisa fall again! Nearer to him!

And my crowning glory! See, it happened like this - I started to skate faster, and naturally, I lost my balance. So I employed the Suiying Recovery Manoeuvre (wildly flailing the arms until one somehow manage to balance oneself). I swung my right arm a bit too much, and voila! managed to spin myself 180° around.... to land on my face. According to Louisa, my head bounced off the ice. I agree to concur. There was this brilliant flash of white (the ice) looming towards me and the next thing I know, there was this blooming pain on my forehead. Ouch.

And now, for the one incident that made it all worthwhile -

***The Ballroom Dance***

See, Baba was holding Bugger's hand for balance, but it proved to be useless cuz Baba slipped. Man, the way he slip ah, damn kan cheong. His right arm windmilled! So Bugger tried to steady him. Grabbed his shoulders. So. Baba turned his shoulders so he faces Bugger. Then he slipped again! (one is tempted to wonder if he did it on purpose) This time, it's like he falls face down, erm.. perpendicular to where Bugger was facing. Bugger grabs him again. And, by some miraculous angle, Bugger managed to catch Baba before he fell, and it ended up like 

^that^

Cept that Baba wasn't wearing a dress and high heels and Bugger had better hair. Oh, and Baba had less hair.

But they did end up like that! Really! And they held that position for about 5 seconds! Staring deep into each other's eyes - I mean, too shocked to move :)

If you two ever want to open up a dance club, I can vouch for your skills :D

Okay. I'm done. That's all for Austin On Ice! It was so magical already, I didn't see the need to put a spin to the story. It's already there.

Austin On Ice - Epic Moments, Frozen In Time

the Auting

Indeed, Bugger struck gold by calling this Last Austin Class Trip an Auting. It was just like in class, only with a bigger 'classroom', no lecturers and more lethal 'equipment'.

So, after the very-easy-but-time-wasting LA exam was done (I spent 5 minutes laughing over images of maids 'doing' dishes) Austinians clotted together and did 'the Austin thing' - standing around in some random place like we're waiting for manna / collecting karma. Somehow, we always  manage to attach purpose to this activity - we were supposedly waiting for: 

a) KayJay to come back from the toilet 

b) Bamboo and PreCal Mouse to stop raping each other

c) Louisa and Charis to see DOW 

d) Beluga to un-beach himself from the classroom 

e) Bugger to come back from prayers 

f) God to get fed up and shower us with money so that we can move our asses and go get taxis already, dammit.

After that, we blobbed all the way to the taxis at the bus 'station' and finally moved our asses to Sunway Pyramid. That taxi driver initially charged us RM35, but I gave him the bewildered-and-hurt expression, so he asked me what's the real price. I said RM20 :) damn, should've tried for 10.

On arrival at Sunway Pyramid, I scooted off to Popular because I've been dying to get that Terry Pratchett book and I assumed they will do 'the Austin thing' again and I thought by the time they decide where to eat, I'd be done getting the book already. But the bloody Popular only had one copy of the book, and it was frayed at the edges. Damn. And Austinians decided to do 'the Austin thing' right smack among the cramped aisles of books. Talk about an invasion, I think we spooked Customer Service.

After that we headed to lunch at Sakae Sushi. Got plonked into the same booth as Bugger, Beatrice, Bamboo, Baba and Charis. By some contrivance of sniggering Austinians, or some hole in the fabric of the Universe, the spot beside Baba was gapingly empty when I walked in. Hmm... And I thought I was the Class Cupid.

Anyway, we got to ordering and I got excited over this thing called Miso Cheese Nabe Udon - because "Nabe!" is a hokkien swear word. Ahah! Imagine what a profanity tastes like! But the waiter came and told us that they ran out of my choice. Nabe betul. At last had to settle for salmon, rice and unagi temaki. But I shall not rest till I tasted a Nabe! I shall not! Nabe!

And I was too absorbed with the food to care about the camwhores. It wasn't very conducive to camwhore anyway, cuz the wooden things with holes in the middle were in the way. But heck, nothing can get in the way of Arif when it comes to camwhoring. Guy always manages to ooze himself into focus. It's like, you take a photo, and you think you managed a rather good shot, but when you view it, Nabe! Arif is in the way!

So, yes. Lunch was very fun. But it is nothing compared to what's next!

But later, ok? Later. And in case you are wondering, no, I has no photos.