inane conversations

While I was googling LGBT issues for Awareness Campaign,

Amy (my now-famous long-suffering roommate)

: Do you support gay marriage and all that stuff?

Me : Oh yeah.

Amy : Why?

Me : Well, everyone's free to choose who to marry.

Amy : ...

Me : And besides, less competition.

Amy : *choke*

I don't know why, but she seems to choke a lot around me...

:D

Can someone please tell me why she choked?

accidental snipping

Me: Aunty, I need a trim.

Aunty: OK OK sit here ah...

*5 minutes later*

*cellphone rings*

Aunty: Hello? Ha?! Eksiden?!! *insert incomprehensible Chinese expletives*

*snipping of hair*

*increased aggression when snipping hair*

*concerned / expletive Chinese* (one can never tell)

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Gosh. I mean, what are the odds, right? That in the 5 minutes it takes to cut my hair, some bloody bugger calls that particular bloody Aunty to tell her that some bloody accident has happened.

It's amazing how much one can do in 5 minutes. That Aunty can clamp her cellphone between her shoulder and her ear and bloody holler for 5 minutes. AND she can do it while cutting hair! Wow! Multi-tasking!

Not that I'm particularly particular of my looks, but this is like a recipe for disaster.

1. She is emotionally disturbed - and you don't want to go near an emotionally disturbed woman with a sharp pair of scissors

2. Her head is angled 45° - so my hair is either going to look good when people look at me at 45°, or not look good at all

3. Her right arm is awkwardly angled - and thus unable to perform

4. Her imagination is tainted - by images of gory flesh (and bits of hair) spattered on the road

Guess what I look like now?

*in the words of my dear roommate*

My God! Suiying! You look like a twelve-year-old! So cute!!

*black hole opens*

Somebody Save Me

elusive sleep

For someone who is infamous for being able to sleep anywhere, anytime, it's amazing how little sleep I actually get per day.

sign of madness #3 - posting at this unearthly hour

Oh yes, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I am falling sick again. This time, it's a Malaccan strain of the flu virus - courtesy of BabaRonnie.

on revelations

Ever heard of the nursery rhyme 'Mary Mary Quite Contrary'?
It goes thus:

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,

How does your garden grow?

With silver bells, and cockle shells,

And pretty maids all in a row.

Very sweet, right?
Very girly, right?
Very like the picture below, right?


















suiying wouldn't sing it, right?

Right?

Wrong.

It's my new favorite nursery rhyme.

Why?

Because Shahril told me the historical explanation :)
Ask Krystal about the look on my face when i found out

Mary Mary quite contrary refers to Mary I of England (also known as Bloody Mary)
How does your garden grow? questions her fertility as she was unable to produce heirs
Silver bells are instruments of torture called 'thumbscrews' - used to crush fingers and toes
Cockle shells are also instruments of torture - attached to the genitals
Pretty maids are 'maidens' - early Scottish guillotines used to sever heads quickly
All in a row means there were a lot of 'maidens'

:D

Sweet young girls are angelically singing this rhyme in their pretty pink dresses while clapping along with their kindly kindie teacher.

LOL

The stuff they teach kids! How outrageous! *shakes head while trying to keep a pious face* Someone should go round kindies and start telling them the truth.

Maybe I would.

Let's start with Tadika Indah Sayang, Taiping :D
I bet it would be one history lesson they'd never forget.

Witness the destruction of innocence.
Witness a mini-replica of Eve's face when she bit into The Apple of Knowledge.

Witness catharsis.

pointless risks

Self-experimentation is a beautiful thing. One can control most of the variables, observe the results and even stumble upon unintended effects. Such is its beauty.

What would happen if I take only instant noodles for dinner?

Monday and Tuesday went fine, but on Wednesday, I had a blocked nose and an inflamed throat. Classic flu. Gah. It's either Kelvin because he was sneezing or Shahril because he was very sick but his symptoms are different from mine But I know one thing - my roommate definitely got it from me :D

It's hard to see if the flu was caused by my diet. Because you have people who eat a balanced meal falling sick too. And because flu has almost nothing to do with one's diet - it is a viral infection. Damn.

And so this time is a failure. The variables are simply no longer under my control. It would be unfair to blame any adverse effects: dizziness, throat inflammation and fatigue to instant noodles alone. Damn.

I'll restart the experiment once I recover.

I can sense my dear roommate plotting to dump my Maggi down the rubbish chute. She's been on my case since Monday. One of the main reasons why I blatantly eat in front of her is because of that priceless look of supreme frustration and helplessness on her face. It shows me that someone actually cares :) twisted, I know.

I hope I get better faster than her, cause then I can tell her that Maggi boosts the immune system.

This post is evil.

Amy will kill me if she sees this

IF

Do I care?

No.

*evil laughter*

So....

Who wants to be my next roommate?