bleeding lips

I can't help but draw parallels.

They say it's a sign of insecurity, biting your lips. I do that. 

The last time my lips bled, was the first time I moved away from home

to here.

They bled and bled.

Mellow salt-tinged metal taste taking the edge off the fear.

Now, I don't know why, 

they're bleeding again.

Funny.

This time the blood didn't go unnoticed.

The last time, no one even looked.

cleaning up for four

amy + suiying + J + EY = my room

today, amy + suiying cleaned the 4-person room.

this actually started out as a damn long trademark suiying post, but due to self-censorship, it disintegrated into this.

my apologies to faithful readers. it was a rather entertaining post.

i do hope you sense 'an undercurrent of suppressed frustration' or something.

i need a whiteboard marker.

reactions

I am actually currently facing another sleepless night of reports and outlines and study. But I really really need to write this down. Just to order my thoughts, I suppose. Don't mind me. This is nothing important. I just want some 'me' time. I'll start work at 2230. I don't get it. I spend so much time awake, so much time in front of the screen, so much time thinking about my assignments, but I manage to get nothing done until the dawn before the very day it's due. It's like my life lately is just an endless loop of trying to catch up with deadlines. And missing some.

People react to cathartic experiences differently.

I still can't believe she's gone. Was never really close to her. Too different from each other. But they say I have her eyes. Always felt slightly insulted about that. But now.. they seem like the one thing that reminds the world that she was here. It was weird looking at her through a glass screen. Like some exhibit. I felt like beating up the guy who nailed down the lid. Oh god I don't want her to go. I don't want her to go. I threw dirt onto her coffin. I didn't want to. I wanted to climb in and shake her awake and take care of her like I never did when she was alive. Like I never did when she was alive. She can't be gone. I don't know. I still think she's here. But no she's not. She's with my grandpa, the one I never knew. I wish I spoke hokkien better.

I still can't believe I'm going to Brown. I don't understand why they would want someone as unremarkable as me. Brown. Me. Brown. Me. I don't deserve you, Brown. You have Olympic skiers and band leaders. What am I to you? I have a feeling that this is all just a dream.

Grandma dies, granddaughter gets into a school people dream of. On April Fool's Day. I feel there is a profoundly poignant and painfully ironic meaning somewhere in there.

But it feels like it's happening to someone else.

random sneezes

Here's your update, Yan. Random stuff only. Forgive me for having an elephant's buttload of homework.

Finally. I fell sick. About time, you bloody epidemic! I was expecting you two weeks ago. And today I finally sneezed. Sneeze #32 so far. I shall irritate my housemates by sneezing as loudly as I can. And when they are close to breaking point, I shall scare them by sneezing my brains out. Oooo. Grey splatter. Funny.

Amazing what a cold can make you do. I cleaned my room today because I was back early and I was bored. Besides, I'm getting sick of tripping over stuff when I roll groggily out of bed every morning. But now this room feels like it lost a bit of personality :( doesn't feel like 'my' place anymore.

I dreamt I wore a globe-patterned bra. Must be a subliminal message about how the world is on my chest. Or that I'm so flat, that is the only way I can introduce some terrain on my body. Haha. Amusing.

Why do people hunker down when they are walking in the rain even when they have an umbrella? Does it somehow make them less wet, or help them walk easier against the wind? I don't know. Must try walking with umbrella someday.

Amusing Starfruit Documentary has come to a sad and sudden end.

Amazed Amy by showing her how I clean the bathroom mirror. Ooze toothpaste on mirror, scrub with old toothbrush. Hose down with water. Voila.

Am too lazy to upload pictures of Halloween Night. Blogger is evil for mass uploads. Go Facebook lah.

Sneeze #39. Blegh.

fifteen minutes

feels like five with you

:)