semi-collected thoughts

It's amazing how lonely it can get here, considering the population per unit area. Oh well. Maybe it's just me. Non-existent conversation with Amy today, which is, honestly, unheard of. She just looks so tired, I didn't dare to even try to make her agonize over a (probably) disastrous Bio test. We didn't even laugh at horoscopes from The Onion today. And I think she's mad about something. I don't know exactly what because she never said. But she did watch a bit of Dr Who, so she's (probably) not depressed (yet). Come to think of it, I didn't hear her laugh today.

Am I starting to sound lesbianish? I'm beginning to suspect myself too. The signs are there. But the interest in checking out guys is still there, so maybe I'm bi. Can't say I'm surprised. A bisexual has everything to gain, and nothing to lose. Besides, easier to find attractive girls than attractive guys. Probably because I go easier on girls. On second thoughts, scratch bisexual. This feels more like pansexual.

Am I creeping you out? I'm sure I am, with all this uncomfortably voyeurish accounts of my roommate and disturbingly honest reflections on my orientation. And these are the things I put in my blog. Imagine what I think and keep to myself. I just realized that I am very probably creeping people out when I talked to KayJay about 'the shifting middle' and how the average always shifts whenever an extreme is introduced so there is no point telling people it's good to be average when people are discovering more and more ways to do evil stuff, so if they keep to the middle they're going to get progressively more evil anyway. This naturally leads to a realization that individuals have their own notion of 'a normal person' and that I might not entirely fit comfortably in that range for a great number of individuals even if I think I am being 'normal'. I am only interested in this so that I know what not to do when hanging out with people so that they don't do the scrunched-eyebrow-i-don't-know-what-you're-saying-and-i-don't-want-to-know thing. Normally, had I had enough human-human interaction, I would probably say "Screw their normal. I am the normal."

Renuhaa tried to pair me up with a guy today. She had to think for about 5 minutes and had to run through about six names before settling on one. And even then, she didn't get any joy :D I am THAT unthinkably unpairable! I feel a misplaced sense of pride. Funny, you'd think people would learn by now that I keep my love life private and that they'll never hear about it from me until it's over (special people excluded). Speculate all you want, but the guy you think I like is never the guy I really like.

The pimple-formation is fading away. For 5 days, I had a pentagon on my forehead. It was awesome :(

A bad book has very detrimental effects on me. That Tractor book by that Lewcyka woman was chick lit, no matter how many high-brow publications laud it for being 'hilarious' and whatnot. Too bad I can't stand not finishing books, so I spent days skipping sentences and putting up with cookie-cutter 'round' characters who rediscover familial ties while battling a deliberately busty 'flat' character. Bah. It was one of the very rare times I return library books before the deadline. I hope V.S. Naipaul can remedy the situation.

It seems that posts filled with random topics like this one rarely generates much comment. I am still wondering why.

Friendships decay. They do. No matter how many times you say forever, no matter how many plans you have for the future, the day will come when you realize you have nothing to say to each other. And everything falls apart.

And, as if the gods are trying to play me like a marionette, right after I typed the last line, Yan and I are having so much fun talking about car trips.

Ironically, the greatest thing about life is the irony of life itself.

He really is hot, you know.

Really?

Really.

a less rare display of goodwill

To Amy. And her classmates.

If you are going to fail, fail with enough sleep! Go to sleep at eight, like Beatrice. She's going to be all bright and perky for tomorrow's failure. Don't stay up all night trying to read 300 pages worth of organic stuff. Those things are better off digested. So go and get some beauty sleep, alright? Fail with confidence! And dignity! And great hair!

Amy's schedule:

Wednesday : Bio Midterm, Chem Quiz

Thursday : C++ Midterm, 2 Calculus 2 Quizzes

Friday (which is her no-class day) : Chem Midterm

You cannot imagine her expression when she saw me bopping away to Weezer's newest while asking God why Fallout 2 won't play. Now she is trying to figure out why I always seem like I have nothing to do. Also, I believe she wants to kill me.

I am going to cut my toenails in front of her. Just to see what happens.

Hot damn. I forgot. Physics Test.

But really, maybe you Biotechies are just freaked out over the last test, yes? We (and by 'we' I mean 'I') have faith (probably misplaced) that your Bio lecturer will (probably) ease up this time around. Here's to hope.

a rare display of goodwill

To Miss Lee Yan Ming, my dear dear friend. Because I can't see you on MSN now.

Best wishes for your test this Saturday. May the best answers magically burn themselves into your line of sight. Remember, trace according to the dotted lines and no harm will befall you. You'll do just fine. After all, you've traded your creativity for intellectual superiority, no? You'll do good. Don't worry!

We will reboot you this Sunday :)

Yes she is single.

yellow ribbons on a raintree

It started with strains of "Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree", strangely discordant. Then light. I saw the Lake Gardens. I was moving, like in a car, but that raintree was there, unmoving. It was covered with yellow ribbons, from where the trunk branches to the smallest leaves. Yellow ribbons, fluttering in the sunset breeze. A yellow raintree. Song ends.

A heartbeat.

Shrill sound starts. Like an audible dog whistle. Sound waves ripple the lake. Yellow ribbons convulse, then start floating up into the orange sky. Really weird stuff started floating up too. Pink umbrella. A pair of blue sneakers tied together. A hiccuping green piano. That bird Kevin from Up was flying into the red sun.

A neigh amidst the shrilling.

This horse-thing climbed out from the lake. White like a penguin's chest. Glittery blue hooves. Eyes that mesmerize. Neighed again and unfolded wings. Butterfly wings, coloured like a peacock, shedding wing-dust with every movement. Things shrivel and die when touched by wing-dust. It's name was Polyp. What the fuck.

Ran.

It chased. Grabbed floating lightsaber and tried to hack off freaky wings. It bit left elbow. Fucking hell, carnivore. Yelled at passing transvestite for help. Dude coughed and asked for ashtray. Yelled at Polyp to get him a goddamn ashtray. Polyp continued flapping freaky wings. Saw tent. Ran in, zipped everything up. Sat down feeling safe.

Then remembered corrosive wing-dust.

Tried getting out, tent starting to sizzle. Hooves pressed against orange polymer. Yelled something about tent being flame-retardant. Tent going, going, gone. Put on military-issue gas mask. Grabbed Chinese calligraphy brush and stabbed Polyp in eye. Root beer gushed out. Crazy horse start stamping. Ran away.

It threw right wing at me.

Hit.

Dissolved in wing-dust.

***

I think I just had a nightmare. Well, more like a Butterfree-Ponyta-hybrid-mare, but you get the picture. Interpret this, you dream interpreters! I dare you! Hah! There were so many of them little things floating up into the sky all the while that Polyp thing was giving chase, but I thought the flapping horse was supposed to be the center of attention, no? I say little, but I'm pretty sure a purple bison was calling for help somewhere behind that transvestite.

Notice how a beautiful beautiful dream degenerated into swearing and stabbing. Just about sums me up, I suppose. A degenerator, capable of turning everything into nothing.

Lovely sunset though.

Finnegan's that ends with hotness

I thought an outing with Beatrice and Wei Jie would be awkward, with Beatrice looking on skeptically as I try to keep up a conversation with Wei Jie by asking him about stuff [which would most probably concern Calculus or his girlfriend (Ex? Does it matter?)]

Awkward my foot.

Started out having light breakfast at KFC with Beatrice since Wei Jie took so long to get to the bus-stop. Bus to MidValley. Stare at directory looking for Japanese food. Oooo pub. Irish food? Wanna try? Why not? Sure! Go.

I felt out of place because we look so juvenile compared to the other worldly patrons. But our booth felt so cosy and secluded, couldn't help loosening up. Got excited over alcoholic drinks. Remembered age. Settled for a mocktail. The older people ordered amusingly-named cocktails. Beatrice wanted a Brain Haemorrhage and Wei Jie wanted a Blowjob.

I'll have the Beef and Guinness Pie and a Blowjob please.

said Wei Jie to the waiter. Silence. Then the kids started laughing.

Food was delicious. But of course, the kids were more interested in the alcohol. When the Brain Haemorrhage came, it was so small, we went like, wtf RM18.90? But it's yummy! Begins with a malty taste and mellows to a slight burning sensation. Beatrice recommends. As for Blowjob, we understood immediately why it was called that. White foam topped the glass and flowed down onto the saucer. Decent folk might want to skip the rest of this paragraph because now I shall

start being retardedly foul. It must have been one helluva Blowjob to generate so much semen. Foamy ones at that. Very disturbing to see Wei Jie sip it because he got a foam mustache and it looked like he just blew someone. Probably the waiter. I tried the Blowjob but I don't like it much. Banana liquor tastes weird.

After Happy2Hours at Finnegan's, life feels so sad. Shopping for clothes felt like a necessity. Meh.

Went to Krispy Kreme for tea. Food was unremarkable, but conversation was fascinating. Same thing with dinner at some sushi place. Actually the food was quite good lah, but Finnegan's is like, the standard, you know? Now everything else is forgettable. Stayed till closing time at sushi place because we were too busy talking about 'important' stuff to care whether we can make it back before curfew.

Journey back on KTM was the shortest I've felt. Sat on glittery floor talking. Reach Shah Alam station, no taxi. Jalan balik Akasia. It felt very unsafe so we armed ourselves with sharp stones, as if it would help much. But it was an experience. Wouldn't recommend it, but you do feel the primal defence mechanisms clicking into place.

Didn't make curfew. Lazy climb pagar.

Shah Alam streets are so peaceful at 3am. Felt like everyone died and we inherit the earth.

Slept at KFC. Bad for neck.

Woke up to the prospect of ending all this random weird behaviour. Tak sampai hati, but of course, we do what we must.

Thus ends what passes as an awesome adventure for sheltered middle-class scholarship-holders.

***

There is something about Nutella that makes you want to dip all five fingers into the jar, make swirls, pull out slowly and lick every single molecule.

I am rather proud of my presentation on modern China. I justify this pride with a total of 8 hours of research and the fact that Jennita actually listened. Rambling about stuff you like is always fun! Note to self: Practice speech before making speech. Some things just don't sound as good as they look as text. Try saying "Cox Report" in front of your rather conservative Civilization lecturer. I hope she did not see my face spasm.

Krystal gave me Psych!

Lastly, I like this guy!