melting milo ais

This afternoon, I chucked a can of Milo® into the freezer. Because I wanted my Milo® ice-cold as soon as I finish pwning the Spanish in the AOE Campaign game.

After I pwned it, I went on to pwn the Lago del Luna. And forgot my Milo®.

Now, 12 hours later, I have Ice Milo®. Specifically, Milo® flavoured ice. I shake the can, and I don't hear a thing. Water vapour condense at the sides and immediately freeze.

I put my tongue onto the can....

But it didn't get stuck. Damn.

I want my iced Milo®! Now I have to wait for it to thaw.

Fine. I shall utilize the heat emitted by my laptop to speed up the melting. Increase the amount of useful energy. Let my laptop feel like a more efficient machine. I would use body heat, but my shirt will get wet.

Melt, ye Milo®!

That has got to be the most jobless post ever. But come on, that's what blogs are for, yes?

Maybe opening the can would speed things up...

And yes, the ®  is annoying, isn't it? Imagine if legal issues force us to put ® for every brand. McDonalds®, Windows Vista®, Bugger®, Halelujah®, Verity®...

Am I gonna get into legal trouble here?

Hopefully trouble comes after I've had my melted Ice Milo®. It's its fault I'm typing this in the first place.

Must. Have. Milo. Melted.

Cheers :)

sanskrit literature 101

Being bored, I rummaged (haha, Louisa) through my books and voila! unearthed Sir Richard Burton's most notable contribution to the world of literature - the English translation of the ancient Sanskrit text on one of the most important aspect of the continuity of humanity.

Sex. Wot? What were you expecting? Politics?

I remember telling Bugger and WeiJie about the Kama Sutra while having lunch at Ausmat Cafe. If you do not know what the Kama Sutra is, heaven help you. or rather, Google help you :) Anyway, I am so sorry for my inaccurate memory, Bugger and WeiJie. Got it all mixed up (with what, I do not know)

So, as penance for my mistakes, here is a more accurate account of

How To Enlarge Your Joystick - The Ancient Indian Way

*insert cheap tacky graphics of men in Photoshopped briefs smiling coyly*

When a man wishes to enlarge his joystick, he should rub it with the bristles of certain insects that live in trees

Ganas, hor? Imagine how it would feel like, those bristles bristling around your... ah... game console. It wouldn't be rubbing, it would be more like, scrubbing...

After rubbing it for ten nights with oils, he should again rub it with the bristles as before. By continuing to do this a swelling will be gradually produced in the joystick.

No specifics on the oils, unfortunately. But hey! You've got yourself a swollen joystick!

He should then lie on a cot, and cause his joystick to hang down through a hole in the cot.

So, uh, you drill a hole through your bed, and uh, stick your, uh, through it and lie there for.. Damn. Specifics, Mr Burton! Specifics! How is Bugger going to do it if you don't tell him exactly how?

After this he should take away all the pain from the swelling by using cool concoctions.

Like ice cream

The swelling, which is called 'Suka', and is often brought about among the people of the Dravida country, lasts for life.

Hey! Not bad, right? A few weeks of bowleggedness and you have a lifetime of wow-ing ladies off their skirts!

Wait. SUKA?!?! That's! A Malay word!

Oh God.

So when my teacher said "Saya SUKA karangan kamu"

It means...

Holy crap.

*exorcises disturbing images*

But hey, that means you can actually go around threatening guys!

"Saya SUKA kamu baru tahu!"

It would almost be the equivalent of KayJay's "I KISSS you!"

Anyway, that's about it, Bugger and WeiJie. There ARE more. In fact, the entire text is online here. Have fun reading! And experimenting ;)

[Edit: This blog and its owner is not responsible for any damage to sexual organs and/or love lives brought about by excessive enthusiasm about this idea.]

Austin On Ice

What do you get when you chuck a bunch of Austinians onto ice?

A damn great time.

We embraced our n00bishness with so much vim, it's amazing they let us loose on the ice. I mean, who would walk - I mean, totter - around proudly proclaiming he's a penguin? The PreCal Mouse, that's who. Who would nearly get murdered for tying shoelaces for someone else? The Boy, that's who (Wei Jie was threatening to tell Beatrice. Little does he know I'm actually doing some community service there - a Giraffe with a loose boot is no laughing matter). Who would all collapse on the floor and pose like they're making an ad for evo? Austinians, that's who. At this point, if you are a true Austinian, you would be puffing up with pride and an odd sort of patriotism already. If Austin had a battle-cry, now would be the time to bellow it. Hey, wait. How come we don't have one?

Anyway, I find it ironic that all of us seemed so happy, considering we were about to traipse unfamiliar and possibly perilous terrain. Gosh. I can't believe we were THAT n00b! Nobody worried! Wei Jie even said we should make the person with the most falls do something stupid. Wow. Ignorance is indeed, bliss. 

Then, came the ice.

I am proud to say I fell down within 2 minutes of stepping into the rink. While holding on to the walls, no less. That's because it is so unbelievably funny to see you normally happy Austinians clinging on for dear life to the freakin walls! I was expecting half of you to drop on your knees and pray! There was this look on your faces that was a mix of *holy-crap-this-is-slippery* and *i-should-have-pretended-i-liked-HSM* and *if-i-concentrate-i-will-learn-faster* and *damn-why-am-i-moving-backwards* and *i-shall-endeavor-to-fall-on-louisa* and *emotions-too-primal-to-describe-but-are-concerned-with-the-fact-that-we-are-walking-upright*. Precious precious visions!

So, I tried to skate, with rather helpful instructions from Bugger and Bamboo. And I had the time of my life! The hilarity of watching other people skate! The weird floating feeling you get when you fall! The cold seeping through your bones when you land! Amazingly, it wasn't the skating that did it for me, it was the falling. Refer to Bugger's post to know why you should think twice whether to help people up.

KayJay was my skating partner that day. Skating with a partner really helps cuz you don't fall down so often and when you stumble, you have something to hold on to. Thank you, KayJay! For some of the greatest memories ever! Us two n00bs were brave enough to venture to the centre, and not fall. Man, that was an achievement! I have to admit, KayJay was a really nice skating partner - very supportive and entertaining, not to mention he's actually concerned when you stumble (I can hear a few girls plotting to drag him to skate already). Of course, we fell a lot, but I think most of it was my fault - everytime I laugh, I fall. And I laugh. A lot. Heh. Sorry KayJay!

***Random Things I Don't Want To Forget Ever***

1) The look on KayJay's face when he is skating alone is oddly similar to that of a baby learning to walk.

2) I fell down 14 times.

3) Wei Jie and Louisa were holding hands almost all the time!

4) I stumbled and like, 4 people were trying to drag me up. I only remember Yu Chen and Bamboo O.o

5) KayJay kept proclaiming that I'm his new wife whenever we skate past Austinians. He says it extra loudly around Baba.

6) Quraish doesn't skate, he ponders the nature of the Universe. Seriously, if Aristotle ice-skates, he'd do it like Quraish.

7) Beatrice and Wei Jie cheated with each other. Louisa tried hard not to fling her sundae.

***Fabulous Falls***

See, KayJay and I were skating together, then Arif came up and said "Hey, let's skate fast!". Let's! So I grabbed Arif's hand and the three of us zoomed through the ice. It was so exhilarating! Then KayJay stumbled, I pulled him up. And I fell. Arif let go. KayJay didn't. And so we fell in the middle of the rink and skid about 10 feet on our butts. And Arif scooted away laughing. Damn you, Arif! :P But it was damn fun!

And the sweet sweet image of Wei Jie chivalrously trying to help Louisa up from the ice when he was on the ice himself.. Awww... He even managed to make Louisa fall again! Nearer to him!

And my crowning glory! See, it happened like this - I started to skate faster, and naturally, I lost my balance. So I employed the Suiying Recovery Manoeuvre (wildly flailing the arms until one somehow manage to balance oneself). I swung my right arm a bit too much, and voila! managed to spin myself 180° around.... to land on my face. According to Louisa, my head bounced off the ice. I agree to concur. There was this brilliant flash of white (the ice) looming towards me and the next thing I know, there was this blooming pain on my forehead. Ouch.

And now, for the one incident that made it all worthwhile -

***The Ballroom Dance***

See, Baba was holding Bugger's hand for balance, but it proved to be useless cuz Baba slipped. Man, the way he slip ah, damn kan cheong. His right arm windmilled! So Bugger tried to steady him. Grabbed his shoulders. So. Baba turned his shoulders so he faces Bugger. Then he slipped again! (one is tempted to wonder if he did it on purpose) This time, it's like he falls face down, erm.. perpendicular to where Bugger was facing. Bugger grabs him again. And, by some miraculous angle, Bugger managed to catch Baba before he fell, and it ended up like 

^that^

Cept that Baba wasn't wearing a dress and high heels and Bugger had better hair. Oh, and Baba had less hair.

But they did end up like that! Really! And they held that position for about 5 seconds! Staring deep into each other's eyes - I mean, too shocked to move :)

If you two ever want to open up a dance club, I can vouch for your skills :D

Okay. I'm done. That's all for Austin On Ice! It was so magical already, I didn't see the need to put a spin to the story. It's already there.

Austin On Ice - Epic Moments, Frozen In Time

the Auting

Indeed, Bugger struck gold by calling this Last Austin Class Trip an Auting. It was just like in class, only with a bigger 'classroom', no lecturers and more lethal 'equipment'.

So, after the very-easy-but-time-wasting LA exam was done (I spent 5 minutes laughing over images of maids 'doing' dishes) Austinians clotted together and did 'the Austin thing' - standing around in some random place like we're waiting for manna / collecting karma. Somehow, we always  manage to attach purpose to this activity - we were supposedly waiting for: 

a) KayJay to come back from the toilet 

b) Bamboo and PreCal Mouse to stop raping each other

c) Louisa and Charis to see DOW 

d) Beluga to un-beach himself from the classroom 

e) Bugger to come back from prayers 

f) God to get fed up and shower us with money so that we can move our asses and go get taxis already, dammit.

After that, we blobbed all the way to the taxis at the bus 'station' and finally moved our asses to Sunway Pyramid. That taxi driver initially charged us RM35, but I gave him the bewildered-and-hurt expression, so he asked me what's the real price. I said RM20 :) damn, should've tried for 10.

On arrival at Sunway Pyramid, I scooted off to Popular because I've been dying to get that Terry Pratchett book and I assumed they will do 'the Austin thing' again and I thought by the time they decide where to eat, I'd be done getting the book already. But the bloody Popular only had one copy of the book, and it was frayed at the edges. Damn. And Austinians decided to do 'the Austin thing' right smack among the cramped aisles of books. Talk about an invasion, I think we spooked Customer Service.

After that we headed to lunch at Sakae Sushi. Got plonked into the same booth as Bugger, Beatrice, Bamboo, Baba and Charis. By some contrivance of sniggering Austinians, or some hole in the fabric of the Universe, the spot beside Baba was gapingly empty when I walked in. Hmm... And I thought I was the Class Cupid.

Anyway, we got to ordering and I got excited over this thing called Miso Cheese Nabe Udon - because "Nabe!" is a hokkien swear word. Ahah! Imagine what a profanity tastes like! But the waiter came and told us that they ran out of my choice. Nabe betul. At last had to settle for salmon, rice and unagi temaki. But I shall not rest till I tasted a Nabe! I shall not! Nabe!

And I was too absorbed with the food to care about the camwhores. It wasn't very conducive to camwhore anyway, cuz the wooden things with holes in the middle were in the way. But heck, nothing can get in the way of Arif when it comes to camwhoring. Guy always manages to ooze himself into focus. It's like, you take a photo, and you think you managed a rather good shot, but when you view it, Nabe! Arif is in the way!

So, yes. Lunch was very fun. But it is nothing compared to what's next!

But later, ok? Later. And in case you are wondering, no, I has no photos.

blah.

I will blog about the Last (official) Austin Class Trip. I WILL. When I am done with the goddamn SAT2 and when I am done packing all my stuff and when I am done moving home. As you can tell, I am in a thorny, fuck-dammit-goddamn-all mood right now and I will probably delete this freakin post when I feel better. I feel so thorny, I feel like a hedgehog. Pufferfish. Spiny Devil, or whatever you call that fugly lizard that lives in hot deserts (edit: it's Thorny Devil). So there. I will not blog right now because I won't be able to do it justice. So please bear with me. Sorry for the delay, Louisa. Fuck SAT2. I'm gonna screw up so bad tomorrow. And Suiying's 'screw up' is very serious screw up. She is a proffessional screw-upper. Damn, i can never spell professional right the first time. Ah. Fuck it all. If there is anyone who can get below 100 for Math2 without trying, it is I. I will screw up so bad tomorrow, everyone is going to avoid me forever because they will think i'm a freakin pembawa sial. See, this is how Suiying writes when she freewrites. plenty of profanities. Damn SAT2. Damn Math. Damn cold soup. Damn heat. Damn housemates. Damn toilet light. Damn everything.