*looks at desolate desert of room*
sigh...
for some reason, i can't feel the New Year spirit this year. everything feels so stretched. so forced. so mechanical. i see the festivities around me. i see the brilliant splashes of red. i hear the crunch of peanuts. i feel the synthetic smooth of angpaus. but i don't feel like i seen the real red. the real crunch. the real smooth. everything feels like a forgery.
the shandy tastes just the same. but my mind is screaming that it's less fizzy. the lemon taste is flat. the bitter beer aftertaste hits slower and tastes less bitter. gosh, it's the same, stupid. stop ruining cny. i want to be happy. the whole world wants to be happy.
i've been pretending to be happy for an entire day now. it sucks. but better to suck for me than to suck for everyone who comes into contact with me, right? right. doesn't stop it sucking though. i just hope i pretended well enough. i think i got away with it. i don't like emo-ing to people because i hate it when people try to cheer me up. they always fail.
so i emo here.
why must i feel so antisocial now? it is bloody cny! no social, no angpau! gah. i'll just pretend i have a sore throat, give them a dazzling smile and farm the angpaus. that will be perfect. not. it kills the cny spirit. dammit. damn antisocial feeling. damn sociopathic tendencies. for once, i wish i can be mindlessly happy.
i need a drink.
forget that. i need to get drunk.
:(
if you are one of my friends who confronts me after reading this post to ask me why the hell i pretend to be happy when i am so emo, it's because you were so happy. happy-ing with you was my escape.
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