the balance between society and free-will

It would seem that social interactions tire me. More and more frequently I find myself being pressured into participating in activities I am not inclined to be enthusiastic in.

Press ganging. People do it so naturally.

Take, for example, birthday parties. A few days ago I found myself obliged to chip in for a certain someone's birthday cake, simply because she had bought me a birthday present (that I neither asked for, nor treasure). I felt that payment was sufficient to convey friendly feelings, but apparently, that was not the case. I found myself invited to a birthday party, and apparently, I cannot refuse this invitation because I 'paid for the birthday cake'. I cannot imagine a situation in which that is logical. It would be more logical to assume that payment had given me more leverage to decide if I want to attend or not.

Nevertheless, I tried to make my unwillingness felt in a socially acceptable manner by saying "Aiyah, no need lar. You all have fun lah. I might have things to do that night." but that evidently did not work. Up until this point, I thought it was widely held that if your invitation was politely rejected three times, it is a signal to back the hell off. Apparently not. I find myself heckled with constant and extremely irritating reminders to "Remember ah!" and "Come come! Or she will be sad!"

I'd like to believe that I know when I am an important part of a person's life. In this case, my presence at the party carries little weightage, and is completely unable to engender feelings of annoyance, let alone sadness.

I found myself in a dire situation. I am certain that the party would be an extremely painful experience. I needed to go out for food. Avoiding the party would mean that I have to explain my absence to the irritatingly insistent person, and that would either mean a convoluted lie, or a detailed truth which I am typing at this moment. Attending the party would mean saying hello to a bunch of people I wouldn't shed a tear for even if they were murdered. Avoiding it would mean extended interaction with a pain in the neck, and a night of hunger.

I went to the party.

I wouldn't call it a party. It's just a cake on a zinc table surrounded by people so dull, they consider it a fitting tribute to a friend. Ate the horrendous cake my money paid for. I would have paid not to eat it. To make matters worse, the pain in the neck decided to introduce the both of us to everyone else at the party. She did it with as much finesse as spaghetti code; pronouncing out names so quickly and waving her hands in our general direction as if to introduce a mildly interesting tabletop decoration. Multiply that by fifteen, as she insisted on introducing us to every single one of her friends. I became intensely irritated. I told her she was cruel. She seemed to brush it off, but thankfully the introductions did not continue. If she had persisted, I would have found some choice words to say very loudly.

After some painful chatter, escape was possible. Seized the moment and said goodbye (and good riddance)

I understand that this post does nothing to improve your perception of me, dear reader. But my purpose is not to improve perception. It is to sharpen. To sharpen your perception of me, so that you know the truth. I do not much care if people like me. It is enough if they know enough about me so that they may avoid forcing me into excruciating situations.

Let me spell it out for you. When you ask me for something, I will:

1) Agree - Meaning I am absolutely certain I want, and will do what you ask me.

2) Hesitate - If I do not give a definite answer, it means I need time to think and I will let you know as soon as I reach a decision.

3) Decline - At which you will have two more shots if you really need me there. I shall assume you are desperate and say yes at the third time if it is really important, but if I really don't want to, I will say no. If the invitations persist for more than three times, you will either find yourself stood up, or faced with an extremely sullen and uncooperative participant.

There are people whose opinions I value far above my own, and to those people I try to give my best. There are also people whose opinions I consider beneath my own, and to those people, I give my blissful ignorance. Until, of course, they start forcing their opinions on me, at which I will treat like a very ugly and unwelcome moth on the ceiling. I will heap my curses on you. Then, I will swat you till the juices bubble out of your body, or I will chase you out the window. At that point, you better wish you can fly.

Unfortunately, I had wanted to start ranting a month ago. I find myself dragged into lunches and meetings and projects that necessitated smiling and pretending to value opinions that are absolutely ridiculous. I would love to rant about a groupmate who I suspect is a personal joke of God's. He must have found it funny to disguise a gormlessly brainless echinoderm as a hominid. Unfortunately, echinoderms have no sense of time and are pitifully retarded when it comes to technology. I pray that He ceases this joke soon, and terminate the pitiful creature's ordeal.

At this point, it occurs to me that this post would have been funnier if it had been a satire. But if it was a satire, you readers would laugh and pat me on the back and say things like "Good one!" and "Pity that starfish." That would have further cemented my reputation as someone not to be taken seriously. It would be fun, but sometimes I need to be taken seriously. This is when you take me seriously.

If I derive neither joy, nor benefit from my interactions with you, I will endeavor to terminate such interaction immediately. And I expect full cooperation.

Thank you.