redirection

It's still rough around the edges, but a conversation made me realize that there might be a reason to keep blogging after all.

So here you go

http://swying.tumblr.com/

You can keep trying, or you can ask me :)

People I tell, you are forbidden to tell any other soul. I trust you with this.

To make up for all this secrecy, I promise premium content ;)

an update? is it a bot?

With nightly conversation partners taking off one by one, I find myself bereft of entertainment and noteworthy flights of imagination. My new blog is up, thanks to my infinite boredom and joblessness, but I have decided to reserve its contents for more interesting times. T'would be too sad to start off with a goodbye. So for now, I'll continue using this unpleasantly minimalistic space for self-comfort. The things I didn't write here gives me the shudders.

If my English sounds funny, it might be due to my listening to Korean love songs and pining my heart away. Except for the occasional rudimentary English phrases, all I can pick up is "Sa Rang~ Sa Rang~". It's quite funny, really, the shallowness of it all. A positive kiddie-pool. But it makes me feel good, so screw it. I'mma paddle in the kiddie pool all I want.

In case you didn't know, my obsession with anime has been replaced with K-Obsession. Concerned citizens (read: Yan Ming) should rejoice. Why? Why the hell should you rejoice? Because now I ogle at real people. Like, OMG finally. Real people? You scoff. They're plastic! Oh well, a girl's got to start somewhere, no? Besides, how do you plasticize legs? Those are real, I tell you. Of course not the guys' legs lah. The girls'. What about the guys? They look yummy. I wouldn't die of self-pity should I wake up next to one. Of course they look pretty. The androgynous look is IN. They aren't trying very hard to come across all manly (cavemen stubble and gladiator abs and all). I like that.

In fact, I'd go further and proclaim that this is as close as I can get to being perceived by the masses as 'Hot'. My general face structure and features fit the KOb. I'd make a damn cute Korean guy. Serious. I might be somewhat pretty for a Korean girl, but give me a haircut and I will transform into your next dotably adorafying male Korean celebrity. My nondescript androgynous face and suggestive grin will squeeze the hormones out of them glands. Of course, I'll need awesome hair so that fans can tell me apart.

(Do I look in the mirror and pretend to blow kisses at myself? I'm trying not to.)

Speaking of hair, I went and straightened mine. Itu rebonding, pernah dengar? Yeah. Now I hate my hair. It's too friggin well-behaved. I can't make faces at it every morning anymore. It dutifully falls down gracefully every time I slightly incline my head. I don't see crazy strands poking out all over when sunlight hits my head. I look like a counter girl when I wear a suit. Goddamit. I look so neat. Then again, I don't need to comb my hair at all. And I can tie my hair into a bun with a pencil, and watch it fall unchanged after I pull it out (cue shampoo commercial). Yet, I can't help missing the bed-hair I secretly thought was sexy. Ish. Here's to hoping guys dig this look. Cuz I don't.

New blog will be on Tumblr because it is photo-dump-friendly. I promised someone special regular photos of myself. And you all know I don't upload shameless self-camwhoring photos of myself on Facebook. Nope. They all go to Tumblr. There, we can make fun of the stupid all we want :D

like wow, an update.

I started writing something along the lines of a butterfly slicing my wrists, but then I realized there really is no point having a blog if I'm only comfortable posting about dreams and innuendos.

So, blog migration time. I'm sick of Blogger, so I'll be playing with Wordpress. Hopefully it will be a better experience. Uploading pictures to Blogger is a pain. Oh, and it will be locked, else what's the point? I plan on plenty of pictures of me, and plenty of gossip and ogling, of course. I've been repressing myself so much, I'm beginning to forget how to mock. But on the upside, internal sarcasmometer has been much fine-tuned. Being nice to non-friends is an art.

Oh, and tech-inclined people sekalian, help me out. Buying a laptop once I'm settled in the US. $1100 budget. So far, I have my eyes on the Asus N61JQ which is decently powerful. But I want something that has longer battery life. So far, I can't find any with similar specs and price. So if you can, please let me know. Else I'll just get a bigger battery.

And that paragraph above, I would have you know, was 4 times the length before I stopped and realized none of you would read a dissertation on how the N61JQ fits into my near-future lifestyle and why it trumps the U53JC.

I would like to say I miss the diary days, but no one read also sad lah. Susah betul.

tonight

I will be remembering you

knotted brows

Every once in a while, people say things to you that make you pause. And later make you feel like you're experiencing a mental sunrise. It's like when you first see an optical illusion - the darn thing is there but you were just looking at it wrong.

Beatrice told me, a long time ago, that I get bored of people very easily.

I do?

I'm still trying to figure it out.

overnight @ genting

Posting it so that I can just give you people a link whenever you ask me on MSN about the trip. Keep an eye on this, cuz I will be updating this post instead of posting something new. Not making an Event of Facebook. So exhibitionist.

Going

Me, KJ, Ron Nie, Louisa, Wei Jie, Beatrice, Shahril and Quraish.

Wei Jie said 8 is the magic number for the cable car ride, so no one will be left out. We can get Louisa, Wei Jie, Beatrice and Shahril in a car and hope for the best.

Lodging

Resort Hotel. ~RM140 per room. 2 rooms. 4 guys - 3.5 girls+0.5 guy. Adjoining rooms not guaranteed.

Louisa is in charge since she's doing the bookings and needs to make snap decisions.

Tickets

2 Indoor+Outdoor passes per person. About RM100 total. Indoor passes since we're staying over and will very likely be bored at night. Reminder : Casino only for those above 21 in formalwear.

Getting There

Gather at Akasia bus stop at 11am on Thursday, 20th. KTM to KL Sentral, then take the Go Genting bus to the cable car, and cable car upwards. Then, we grope our way through the fog.

Preps

Louisa is familiar with Genting and knows her way around.

KJ is a St. John Ambulance member who knows his stuff.

Bring food if you don't want to spend too much. Or steal KJ's buns.

Bring cards / games / paper and a pen.

Wei Jie is bringing his camera.

Questions, changes, corrections, do let me know.

swinging summer

Summer Sem! When I can let my brains fertilize daisies growing out of my ears! Ooooh what a lovely two months I have ahead of me! Delightful decadence awaits! Summer summer sun sun sand surf spin spin spin sin sin sin!

Here is a list of stuff I plan to accom achie do for the next two months. I don't much care who tags along (actually, I do care, but let's face it, the only people who actually want to tag along are people I don't mind tagging along) so basically this is sorta of an invitation? Dunno. I'm just making sure I do all of them. For the bigger events, I'll make sure I bug you on the plans. Or maybe just make an Event on FB.

1. Shopping @ Sungei Wang & Low Yat

Because I want to get something from Sungei Wang (not clothes) and Kelvin wants to fix his jack (heh heh). First weekend. Anyone want to tag along, let me and Kelvin know. Anyone want me to buy you stuff from Low Yat, I need you to hand over cash first.

2. Another Round @ Finnegan's

Beatrice! Wei Jie! Louisa! I'm missing the mist of sin and semi-sobriety. Anytime. Anyone want to tag along, you'll have to be:

a) Legal

b) Able to stomach at least 3 shots

c) Friends with me, Beatrice, Wei Jie and Louisa

3. KTM BKT

Who can't figure out what it stands for, no need come. Weekend mornings. Pork-lovers cravers only.

4. Overnight @ Genting

Originally just a trip, it somehow developed into a plan to stay overnight. Please express interest ASAP because we plan to go soon after we settle things. It's going to be a squeeze at night. You know, the good-ole-fashioned poor student way. So far I have KJ, Kelvin, Louisa, Beatrice, Shahril, Wei Jie, Quraish and Ron Nie confirmed. Awaiting confirmation from Yu Chen. It's turning into an Auting, isn't it?

5. Beatrice's Beach Bash @ some awesome beach

Beatrice wants a beach trip. No lame-o Port Dickson for the Queen. She wants the real deal. I was thinking Pangkor, but we really don't have anything in mind yet. All I know is I have a sandcastle-making kit from when I was seven :D

6. Dinner @ Wherever

This is going to sound sad, but I sometimes find myself in need of a dinner partner. Text me by 1830 if you need a dinnermate and chances are you'll get one :)

7. Kickboxing @ TNT

I signed up for classes with Krystal, Jennita and Jessica. If you're interested, I suppose you can sign up, but Krystal's car is already full sorry!

8. Morning Jogs @ that park beside Cemara

To supplement kickboxing. Mornings because I secretly love the smell of dew at dawn.

9. Trading Games / Anime / TV Series/ Movies / Manga / Books

I have goodstuff, you have goodstuff. We must share goodstuff. You can find me near the magazine room in the library. Please make sure your hdd is free from herpes before humping mine.

That is all I have planned for now. The list will probably grow as summer progresses and I get sucked into other activities. I do hope you notice this update. Respond, people! I need confirmations!

Note to people who have crushes on people who are going to the same university: Tackle your crush NOW. Before he / she swims into the deeper pool called The United States of America, where you will pale in comparison to a lot of other guys / girls and will have to watch pathetically from the sidelines as she / he swoons after another. Also, I want more drama and gossip >:D

February (1)

Why haven't I been blogging for the past month?

There was no need.

I have Yan. I have Ron. I have Bugger.

Between the three, I barely have anything left to talk about!

In fact, I can just lock this up right now and save you a space on your RSS feed.

What say you?

*poof poof*

Good news everyone! I am now rather weary of anime. Or rather, my first few obsessions were of such good quality, the mediocre ones just can't sustain the enthusiasm. But really, it is a fascinating world. I got turned off by yaoi characters at first, but apparently, they're why shoujo mangas sell. So like, almost all shoujos have male 'best friends' or 'brothers' characters that have tenderer than usual feelings for each other. Heh. I'd explain, but I don't think you'd want to know.

***

I have a new favorite swear word!

BATCRAP!

It has such a lovely ring to it, no? Fall down, BatCrap! Forget phone, BatCrap! Forget towel, BatCrap! Find out self is shorter than Quraish, BatCrap! See Batman, BatCrap!

***

And another thing. Washing hair is such a pain.

Then: Shampoo - Wash - Conditioner - 1 minute - Wash - Towel - Comb - Done

Now: Shampoo - Wash - Conditioner - 30 mins - Wash - Turban - 30 mins - Unwrap - Comb - Dry - Serum - Brush - Done

But if I don't do it, my expensive haircut by the hottest Malaysian Chinese guy I have ever met will be for nothing! Yes, he is damn hot. Shut up. Yes he is. He is! His girlfriend's hot! I don't care. He's hot. Like a Chinese Jack Sparrow. With bandanna.

Thankfully, the elaborate ritual is only for the weekends.

***

A shoutout to random readers of this blog. Miss Lee Yan Ming has a new hobby! She wants to make bracelets. If you know of any store in KL selling bits and pieces of stuff she can use to craft her masterpieces, please let me know. I will make sure she makes one for you. If you are a guy, you'll get one too, plus a manual on how to score girls with it. I estimate it raises your chances by 34%

***

I don't understand how I can be so freaking jobless and yet have no life.

a heart on the cover

Was hanging out with Louisa at the library today. She was busy thinking up achievements that aren't yakuza-related, so I wandered off to stare blankly at rows and rows of comforting fiction. Wanted to check if Watchmen finally hit the shelves. Also wanted to look for an illustrated Pinocchio so that I can reduce Yu Chen into a helpless pile of laughter. Wood can be so funny.

Turned into a random section and almost hit a guy. Looked up to say sorry. Behold. Lovely maroon binding.

MY MISTRESS'S SPARROW IS DEAD

One of the earlier poems of beloved Catullus.

Edited by JEFFREY EUGENIDES

I fell in love.

Love stories deemed worthy by the guy who wrote Middlesex.

Who bases his efforts on a young Latin poet infatuated with a married older woman.

This should be interesting.

Also, I have had many people asking me why I am so jobless these days. I'll have you know that I am not jobless. I am merely lonely. Sad, I know. Rub it in all you want.

a compromise

I want to update.

But

1 post = 2 episodes of anime!

How?

cameronian cranks

During my travels of late, I happen to notice that the women of Cameron Highlands generally have perfect complexions and willowy figures, characteristics that are highly prized by men. Therefore, I would like to urge readers who are looking for some high-altitude hanky-panky to extend their search hill-ward. Of course, I do not know if said beauties are partial to said hanky-panky, so that is something the reader should undertake at their own risk. The returns, however, are pleasurable. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of the men.

Also, I would like to caution the inhabitants of a certain hotel about the towel rails in the bath. Do not drape the towels across the aluminium rod. Roll it and balance it on top. You do not want to yank too hard on said aluminium rod when you are still luxuriously steaming like a boiled lobster. The rod will come off and bounce right onto your foot to stamp a circle of blood like a cookie cutter cuts out a gingerbread man.

My blood staineth a twin of thee

And when your reflexes disregard the fact that you are in a wet bathtub and make you step back from the source of bodily injury, you invariably gain much more injury, in the form of a bruised butt and the cold hard steel of the bathtap trying to fuse with your spine.

Which is why I wonder why I have so many lustful couples as fellow lodgers. Ah. They probably never use towels. But there sure was a lot of them making out behind me as I poke the fireplace in the lobby. Toe-wrestling at the bar. Playing tag around the fountain. The brother was highly amused and would try to take pictures. In a particularly embarrassing incident, the whispering newlyweds started hugging in the lift. The brother snorted, pointed, elbowed me in the ribs, and I started laughing. Probably because the guy was shorter than the girl, but still. I feel like I have placed myself at a sub-oceanic level of maturity.

There you go, Yan. I am still capable of saying something without mentioning anime and manga. Aren't you proud of me?

cloudy concerns

The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Frankly, I've never really clicked with Albom's books because they need way more than seventeen years of (rather dull) memories to really strike a chord. But I am rather fond of the idea that you'll find out who really mattered to you in the end. It's a form of closure I've always expected Heaven to give. Not ideal, of course, but it is worth mulling over a hot cup of Milo.

It might sound a tad dramatic, but I couldn't finish the damn Milo today because I started wondering who will meet me in Heaven. Who will I matter to, in the end? Who will need me for a bit of perspective of their life?

Sadly, even if I greatly exaggerate my importance in any part of any person's life, I still cannot see myself as much of an influence on anyone. "Hey Suiying! I knew I'd be seeing you here! The way you complimented the lecturer taught me about sarcasm and it totally changed my life!". Not happening. Not even if God decided to stretch the number to 10.

Ah well. Guess that means I don't have to break from any ethereal ecstasies I will be enjoying.

I suppose if I really want someone to meet me, I can adopt a Somalian baby and give him electricity and homework instead of letting him yohoho his life away on the open seas. But that feels a bit like cheating, no?

I also like Albom's notion of Heaven because he never mentioned a Hell.

surprisingly useful side effects

When I was talking to a boring old lady today, I found a new ability. I made her talk in Japanese! So her droning about her precious son turned into sweet flowing Japanese pattering. Ahhh. Such a pleasant way to tune out.

Next, I'll try inserting subtitles.

She gave me oranges and told my aunt I was intelligent.

HAHA.

while waiting for FMA25 to buffer

I have been uncharacteristically happy for the past 3 weeks. This worries me because in my experience, periods of happiness are generally followed by proportionate periods of sadness. Then again, this might be a reward for the horrible month of October. Hmmm. Let us be optimistic here. No reason to worry about the results for finals I have yet to check.

I have decided not to work for the holidays because I know I won't be able to wake up and my parents would much rather chew on wood than let me work the night shift. Also, they wouldn't let me drive to work. But really. Me? Working? Punching in? Smiling when I say 'Good morning'? Having lunch at some random coffee shop alone while thinking about ways to improve my performance? Nah, can't see it. In fact, I can't see how I'll be going through adulthood, but that's a totally different story.

So what am I doing since I'm not working? I'm helping my brother improve his essay-writing, since it was the only service of value that I could proffer to the shrewd landlady we will call my mother. She's a 45kg, 1.5m tall specimen many would call 'gentle' but she does have full control over my dinner. In her defense, the meals have been excellent, but one can never know what a scorned woman can do to one's rice. So I shall not scorn her, and sacrifice an hour of my time trying to follow the thought processes of a 13-year-old boy I have helped raise.

Other than that, it's been all day fun and play for this irresponsible person. Yes, I have been totally enamored with Fullmetal Alchemist lately and no one is more surprised than my dear Yan Ming. I bet she feels like she doesn't know me anymore. But Yan, FMA is not Sailormoon, okay? For one, it's cool. It has ouroboros tattoos and advanced prosthetics. It also has a sparkly man with actual guts. Also, the lead has issues with his lack of height (an issue that, sadly, we can relate to). So, Read it! Watch it! Then we can plot the death of homunculi and the rebirth of a new Amestris! Oh, and if anyone's thinking of getting me a serious gift, I am expecting a replica of Edward's cape. Shameless, I know.

Everyone should be familiar with my tendency to criticize. So. 2012. I saw 4 people die. In a movie about the apocalypse. I shall shudder in my bunker tonight. I suppose you can't really put too much blood and gore if you want to get a PG-13, but seriously. You're talking about the end of the world. I need to feel that a lot of people died. Sure, you had detailed infrastructure damage, but you still need bodies decorating the sidewalk. Also, zero hot guys. Well, I suppose the Indian scientist was cute, but he had a family. Script was unnoticeable, but for one. Referring to a ginormous plane, Yuri Karpov said "It's Russian." with so much pride that one cannot help but wonder if he was talking about the plane. Ah. My tendency toward juvenile derision is satisfied. Also, a giraffe flying through the Himalayas. Precious.

I should probably go to bed now. Don't want to be late for potential conference with a tired Bugger at 11 am.

a rather comprehensive list

CHOOSE YOUR DRINK

Apple Tini B52 Black Russian Bloody Mary Cosmopolitan Daiquiri Disaronno and Coke Double on the Rocks Dry Manhattan Kamikaze Long Island Iced Tea Lemon Drop Manhattan Margarita Martini Dirty Martini Wet Martini Dry Martini Mojito Mai Thai Mimosa Mint Julep Pina Colada Rum and Coke Seabreeze Screwdriver Sex on the Beach Slippery Nipple Tom Collins Tequila Sunrise Vodka Martini Zombie White Russian Singapore Sling Whiskey Sour Absinthe Bourbon Everclear Flavored Vodka Gin Malibu Rum Rum Scotch Tequila Vodka Whiskey Red Wine White Wine Rose Wine Sparkling Wine Amstel Light Amstel Light Alaskan Amber Alaskan Pale Ale Alaskan Stout Alaskan ESB Alaskan Smoked Porter Alaskan Winter Ale Anchor Steam Anchor Liberty Ale Anchor Porter Anchor Old Foghorn Anchor Small Anderson Valley Boont Amber Anderson Valley Hop Ottin' Anderson Valley Poleeko Gold Anderson Valley Belk's ESB Anderson Valley Barney Flats Oatmeal Anderson Valley Winter Solstice Anderson Valley High Rollers Wheat Anderson Valley Deep Enders Porter Beamish Stout Beck's Bell's/Kalamazoo Two Hearted Ale Bell's/Kalamazoo Amber Ale Bell's/Kalamazoo Pale Ale Bell's/Kalamazoo Kalamazoo Stout Bell's/Kalamazoo Oberon Bell's/Kalamazoo Double Cream Stout Bell's/Kalamazoo Third Coast Old Ale Bell's/Kalamazoo Expedition Stout Bell's/Kalamazoo Best Brown Ale Bell's/Kalamazoo Cherry Stout Blue Moon Blue Moon White Breckenridge Avalanche Amber Breckenridge Autumn Ale Breckenridge Pale Ale Breckenridge Christmas Ale Breckenridge Oatmeal Stout Breckenridge Pandora's Bock BridgePort IPA BridgePort Porter BridgePort ESB BridgePort Black Strap Stout BridgePort Blue Heron BridgePort Pintail Ale BridgePort Ebenezer Ale BridgePort Old Knucklehead Budweiser (U.S) Budweiser Bud Light Budweiser Bud Ice Budweiser Bud Ice Light Budweiser Budvar Budvar Busch Busch Light Busch Ice Clausthaler Colt 45 Malt Liquor Coors Original Coors Light Coors Extra Gold Corona Light Corona Extra Czechvar Deschutes Cascade Ale Deschutes Mirror Pond Pale Deschutes Bachelor ESB Deschutes Black Butte Porter Deschutes Quail Springs IPA Deschutes Obsidian Stout Deschutes Jubelale Deschutes Broken Top Bock Deschutes Pine Mountain Pils Deschutes Cinder Cone Red Dos Equis Dos Equis XX Dragon Stout Dragon Stout Edison Light Edison Light Foster's Lager Fuller's ESB Fuller's London Pride Genessee 12 Horse Genessee/High Falls Genny Light Genessee/High Falls Kipling Light Lager Grolsch Gordon Biersch Marzen Gordon Biersch Blonde Bock Gordon Biersch Pilsner Guinness Guinness Draught Guinness Foreign Extra Stout Hamm's Hamm's Light Heineken Henry Weinhard's Ale Henry Weinhard's Amber Ale Henry Weinhard's Dark Henry Weinhard's Hefeweizen Henry Private Reserve Hoegaarden Icehouse 5.0 Icehouse 5.5 J.W. Dundee Honey Brown Keystone Light Kilarney's Red Lager Killian's Labatt Blue Lowenbrau Marin Brewing Mt. Tam Pale Ale Marin Brewing Bluebeery Ale Marin Brewing Albion Amber Marin Brewing Marin Weiss Marin Brewing Point Reyes Porter Marin Brewing Breakout Stout Marin Brewing Old Dipsea Barleywine Marin Brewing India Pale Ale McMenamins Hammerhead McMenamins Terminator McMenamins Ruby McMenamins Black Rabbit Porter McMenamins Dry Irish Stout Michelob Michelob Light Michelob Amber Bock Michelob Hefeweizen Michelob Honey Lager Michelob Black & Tan Michelob Ultra Mickey's Mickey's Ice Miller Genuine Draft Miller Genuine Draft Lite Miller High Life Miller Lite Moosehead Murphy's Irish Red Murphy's Stout O'Douls O'Douls Amber Odell's 90 Shilling Odell's Easy Street Wheat Odell's Cutthroat Porter Odell's Cutthroat Pale Ale Odell's Levity Odell's Isolation Odell's Bobby Olde English 800 Olde English 800 Ice Old Milwaukee Pabst Blue Ribbon Paulaner Original Munich Paulaner Salvator Paulaner Hefe-Weizen Pete's Brewing Wicked Ale Pete's Brewing Oktoberfest Pete's Brewing Summer Brew Pete's Brewing Winter Brew Pete's Brewing Helles Lager Pete's Brewing Red Rush Pete's Brewing Strawberry Blonde Pilsner Uruqell Pittsburgh Brewing I.C. Light Pittsburgh Brewing Iron City Lager Pyramid Hefeweizen Pyramid Coastline Pilsner Pyramid Apricot Ale Pyramid India Pale Ale Pyramid Pale Ale Pyramid Curve Ball Kolsch Pyramid Broken Rake Pyramid Tilted Kilt Pyramid Snow Cap Ale Red Dog Redhook ESB Redhook IPA Redhook Blonde Ale Redhook Hefe-weizen Redhook Nut Brown Rhinebecker St. Pauli Girl St. Pauli Girl Dark St. Pauli Girl N.A. Sam Adams Light Sam Adams Boston Lager Sam Adams Golden Pilsner Sam Adams Cream Stout Sam Adams Boston Ale Sam Adams Cherry Wheat Sam Adams Spring Ale Sam Adams Summer Ale Sam Adams Pale Ale Sam Adams Octoberfest Sam Adams IPA Sam Adams Winter Lager Sam Adams Double Bock Sam Adams Triple Bock Sapporo Shiner Bock Shiner Light Sierra Nevada Pale Ale Sierra Nevada Porter Sierra Nevada Stout Sierra Nevada Wheat Sierra Nevada Summerfest Sierra Nevada Celebration Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Stone Brewing Arrogant Bastard Ale Stone Brewing Stone Pale Ale Stone Brewing Stone Smoked Porter Stone Brewing Stone IPA Stone Brewing Ruination IPA Stone Brewing Double Bastard Ale Stone Brewing Stone Old Guardian Tsingtao Widmer Hefeweizen Widmer Pale Ale Widmer Blonde Ale Widmer Widberry Widmer Sommerbra Widmer Oktoberfest Widmer Winternacht Widmer Spring Run IPA Widmer Drop Top Amber Ale Yuengling Premium Yuengling Light Yuengling Ale Yuengling Porter Yuengling Lager Yuengling Black & Tan Yuengling Light Lager

HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH?

Pounds (lbs) Kilograms (kg)

GIRL OR GUY?

Male Female

Created by Bar Stools

ideas

I miss doing stupid stuff. The best 'stupid sessions' happen spontaneously, but sometimes, awesomeness can be achieved with detailed planning. Which reminds me. I need to reinvigorate StopMotionCamwhoring (or SMC for short. extra funny for me because it is also high school acronym). I have lost all pictures in the reformatting fire.. The Archives of The Battle for Buns is no more.

Guys! Check this out!

[Scotty] After school, me and my friends went to the drug store.
[Scotty] And my friend brought a box of condoms to the counter.
[Scotty] And she scanned them.
[Scotty] And he acted like he didn't have enough money.
[Scotty] He was like, "Shit, I'll be right back."
[Scotty] So he puts the condoms back, and comes back with a bag of rubber bands in one hand and a box of plastic wrap in the other.
[Scotty] Oh my fucking God
[Scotty] Until the day I die
[Scotty] I will never forget that lady's face.

I want to see the look on that lady's face! Go get me a video!

Credits to this site which I spend an unhealthy amount of time in.

I have another idea involving the exploitation of Wei Jie and Louisa's apparent chemistry which makes everyone on earth think that they're madly in love with each other... We wait till the library is buzzing with people, then we station Wei Jie and Louisa on opposite ends of the library entrance. They will clap eyes on each other, freeze, and stare at each other for ten seconds. Then, they will run with arms outstretched at each other. We shall braid Louisa's hair with daisies and make Wei Jie wear a shirt that flaps like a man. When they collide with one another, Wei Jie will do that lifting up and spinning Louisa around thing. And then, they will shake hands, and carry on as if the Bollywood episode never happened.

Of course, we'll have to get Louisa's permission first. Wei Jie sure agree wan. Oooooh it would look so good in stop motion.

But, for now, I guess I'll just stop motion my brother drooling in his sleep.

Oh. Shoutout. I need your help, dear readers. Application-time again! And this time, I have the whole America to choose from :) If you are, or have been impressed with any university, at any point in your life, please contact me and we can hang out into the early morn. E-mail and MSN : suiying[at]live[dot]com[dot]my. Be warned. I have a talent for sounding stand-offish even when I don't intend to.

And now, I will go forth and watch more cartoons.

esei terpesong

Adakah aku akan menjadi otaku? Harap-harap tidak. Ku tiada masa untuk satu lagi obsesi kerana sememangnya terlalu banyak yang hendak ku lakukan. Ku sudah lupa sama ada perkataan 'ku' itu perlu dilekatkan pada 'hendak' atau 'lakukan'. Ku juga rasa perkataan 'dilekatkan' itu kurang sesuai. Apakan daya. Sekurang-kurangnya ku masih lagi tahu menggunakan perkataan 'sekurang-kurangnya'.

Ya, ku mengaku. Semasa SPM ku ada menggunakan teknik 'mengelak' untuk perkataan yang maknanya ku tidak tahu. "Raja Andromeda memerintah rakyat jelatanya untuk mencari maksud perkataan 'perawan' supaya raksasa laut yang ganas tidak akan membaham puterinya." (petikan ini diambil daripada kertas tuisyen Tingkatan 5 yang sedang ku guna sebagai.. er.. petanda buku? penanda? pentanda? nampaknya tuisyen kurang membantu.)

Mari kita menganalisa isi tersurat ayat ini. Kita tahu bahawa galaksi Andromeda masih mengamalkan sistem feudal. Kita juga tahu bahawa terdapat raksasa ganas yang mempunyai kosa kata yang lebih luas daripada seorang pelajar Tingakatan 5. Bagaimana pula dengan isi tersirat? Kita tahu bahawa raksasa ganas ini sedang mempermain-mainkan raja ini kerana ayat tersebut penuh dengan ironi (hanya jika seseorang itu tahu maksud perkataan 'perawan'). Kita juga tahu bahawa tidak terdapat Kamus Dewan di istana Andromeda. Kita juga tahu bahawa penulis ayat tersebut sama ada kurang waras, atau tidak tahu langsung maksud perkataan 'perawan'. Atau sedang bermimpi di dalam kelas.

Dalam kes ini, ku agak bersyukur ayat ini yang digunakan. Ayat lain yang agak kerap ku gunakan adalah "Adik pulang dengan muka yang berseri-seri kerana diberi hadiah oleh gurunya setelah menerangkan makna perkataan [perkataan] kepada rakan-rakan sekelas". Habislah masa depan adik tersebut, jikalau perkataan tersebut adalah 'perawan'. Harap-harap tidak dibuang sekolah.

Susah betul untuk menaip dalam Bahasa Melayu. Garisan merah di seluruh... erm.. textbox? kotak perkataan? Apa-apa sahajalah. Banyak sangat... erm.. hyphen? dalam BM ini. Kata ganda memang menggandakan benda-benda yang hendak ditaip. Itulah sebabnya latihan kata ganda amat memafankan. Dan yea, apabila diminta untuk membimbing adik untuk ujiannya, ku telah mewariskan teknik 'mengelak' ku. Tidak banyak yang boleh ku ajar. Jelas sekali.

Maaf maaf. Terpesong. Adakah aku akan menjadi otaku? Ku bagaikan disedut ke dalam dunia anime. Dahulukala, anime ialah Doraemon, Sailormoon, dan Dragonball. Ku tidak berapa suka. Yang ku suka ialah Pokemon, dan ku tidak pernah terfikir bahawa Pokemon adalah anime. Nama-nama Pokemon adalah variasi perkataan Inggeris, dan bukan perkataan Jepun. Oleh itu, Pokemon ialah kartun, bukan anime, dan amat mengasyikkkan.

Kini ku kembali ke dunia pelik yang digelar Jepun. Tak puas 1945, tak puas kena bom, orang Jepun itu kembali menjajah dunia dengan mata yang 20 kali lebih besar daripada pelukisnya dan rambut yang tidak mungkin boleh diduplikasikan dalam dunia sebenar. Malangnya, ku terperangkap dalam Fullmetal Alchemist, Haruhi Suzumiya dan Studio Ghibli. Mampuslah masa depanku. Mampuslah interaksi sosialku. Mampuslah nutrisi badanku. Mampuslah tidurku.

Mampuslah kalau ini esei SPM.

the balance between society and free-will

It would seem that social interactions tire me. More and more frequently I find myself being pressured into participating in activities I am not inclined to be enthusiastic in.

Press ganging. People do it so naturally.

Take, for example, birthday parties. A few days ago I found myself obliged to chip in for a certain someone's birthday cake, simply because she had bought me a birthday present (that I neither asked for, nor treasure). I felt that payment was sufficient to convey friendly feelings, but apparently, that was not the case. I found myself invited to a birthday party, and apparently, I cannot refuse this invitation because I 'paid for the birthday cake'. I cannot imagine a situation in which that is logical. It would be more logical to assume that payment had given me more leverage to decide if I want to attend or not.

Nevertheless, I tried to make my unwillingness felt in a socially acceptable manner by saying "Aiyah, no need lar. You all have fun lah. I might have things to do that night." but that evidently did not work. Up until this point, I thought it was widely held that if your invitation was politely rejected three times, it is a signal to back the hell off. Apparently not. I find myself heckled with constant and extremely irritating reminders to "Remember ah!" and "Come come! Or she will be sad!"

I'd like to believe that I know when I am an important part of a person's life. In this case, my presence at the party carries little weightage, and is completely unable to engender feelings of annoyance, let alone sadness.

I found myself in a dire situation. I am certain that the party would be an extremely painful experience. I needed to go out for food. Avoiding the party would mean that I have to explain my absence to the irritatingly insistent person, and that would either mean a convoluted lie, or a detailed truth which I am typing at this moment. Attending the party would mean saying hello to a bunch of people I wouldn't shed a tear for even if they were murdered. Avoiding it would mean extended interaction with a pain in the neck, and a night of hunger.

I went to the party.

I wouldn't call it a party. It's just a cake on a zinc table surrounded by people so dull, they consider it a fitting tribute to a friend. Ate the horrendous cake my money paid for. I would have paid not to eat it. To make matters worse, the pain in the neck decided to introduce the both of us to everyone else at the party. She did it with as much finesse as spaghetti code; pronouncing out names so quickly and waving her hands in our general direction as if to introduce a mildly interesting tabletop decoration. Multiply that by fifteen, as she insisted on introducing us to every single one of her friends. I became intensely irritated. I told her she was cruel. She seemed to brush it off, but thankfully the introductions did not continue. If she had persisted, I would have found some choice words to say very loudly.

After some painful chatter, escape was possible. Seized the moment and said goodbye (and good riddance)

I understand that this post does nothing to improve your perception of me, dear reader. But my purpose is not to improve perception. It is to sharpen. To sharpen your perception of me, so that you know the truth. I do not much care if people like me. It is enough if they know enough about me so that they may avoid forcing me into excruciating situations.

Let me spell it out for you. When you ask me for something, I will:

1) Agree - Meaning I am absolutely certain I want, and will do what you ask me.

2) Hesitate - If I do not give a definite answer, it means I need time to think and I will let you know as soon as I reach a decision.

3) Decline - At which you will have two more shots if you really need me there. I shall assume you are desperate and say yes at the third time if it is really important, but if I really don't want to, I will say no. If the invitations persist for more than three times, you will either find yourself stood up, or faced with an extremely sullen and uncooperative participant.

There are people whose opinions I value far above my own, and to those people I try to give my best. There are also people whose opinions I consider beneath my own, and to those people, I give my blissful ignorance. Until, of course, they start forcing their opinions on me, at which I will treat like a very ugly and unwelcome moth on the ceiling. I will heap my curses on you. Then, I will swat you till the juices bubble out of your body, or I will chase you out the window. At that point, you better wish you can fly.

Unfortunately, I had wanted to start ranting a month ago. I find myself dragged into lunches and meetings and projects that necessitated smiling and pretending to value opinions that are absolutely ridiculous. I would love to rant about a groupmate who I suspect is a personal joke of God's. He must have found it funny to disguise a gormlessly brainless echinoderm as a hominid. Unfortunately, echinoderms have no sense of time and are pitifully retarded when it comes to technology. I pray that He ceases this joke soon, and terminate the pitiful creature's ordeal.

At this point, it occurs to me that this post would have been funnier if it had been a satire. But if it was a satire, you readers would laugh and pat me on the back and say things like "Good one!" and "Pity that starfish." That would have further cemented my reputation as someone not to be taken seriously. It would be fun, but sometimes I need to be taken seriously. This is when you take me seriously.

If I derive neither joy, nor benefit from my interactions with you, I will endeavor to terminate such interaction immediately. And I expect full cooperation.

Thank you.

bierhaus

Went to The Curve with Louisa, Beatrice and Wei Jie yesterday. Since Louisa was there, we naturally went to Borders and ogled at books (Rant: I cannot believe they let another writer touch the Hitchhiker series! Eoin Colfer is nowhere like Douglas Adams! Just because he's funny and lets fairies use guns, you think he can replace Douglas Adams?! Their styles are completely different. Where Colfer excels in making characters that are fantastically good in what they do, Douglas Adams excels in making characters that are fantastically good at sucking. It'll never be the same). Then we wandered around and descended upon toy stores to get Amy a pointless birthday present.

Of course, that was not the point of this trip. We were there for Bavarian Bierhaus.

It felt like a family type of place. Friendly atmosphere, beautiful use of wooden furnishings, and okay service. Food was brilliant! My linguine vongole had 33 juicy clams. Wei Jie and Beatrice liked the bratwurst so much, they didn't feel weird eating (and slicing) what looked like a penis. They didn't like the pickles though (which looked like pubes). Louisa had a salad which I obviously had no interest in.

Drinks. Beatrice had a Zombie, which was green. She wasn't too impressed with it, since the burning aftertaste was weak. Wei Jie had Sex At The Beach, and no one knew why it's called that since it's a dirty olive green. Beatrice's comment on drink: No Sex. I had Bay Breeze, which was orange and tasted like orange juice. Louisa who wanted Zombie ordered Singapore Sling instead. I didn't like it because it brought back memories of cough syrup, but it had loads of kick. Wei Jie had 3 sips, and then he was a goner. Fella seriously cannot hold his alcohol.

Since we (excluding Wei Jie) were still sober, another round of drinks. I had Absolut with soda, that I liked very much. Beatrice had gin and tonic, which she didn't like. Wei Jie had whiskey with coke, that just tasted like coke. At this point, Louisa made Wei Jie say some tongue twisters which amused her to no end. I couldn't care less and concentrated on the vodka.

Still not drunk. Shared a Budweiser. At this point, Louisa and Wei Jie started singing and I was beginning to get pissed off because they were having the alcohol-induced fun that I cannot seem to get. Beatrice was just quietly watching. A drunk Wei Jie may be entertaining at first, but he gets very repetitive and downright boring after a while. Decided to stop trying to get drunk. Huge bill increased feeling of pissed-offness. It's so expensive to get drunk!

Now I am down with Louisa's flu and much much poorer. Not a very enjoyable outing, but an experience nonetheless. Feeling crabby since I have been breathing out of my mouth the entire day. Do you want photos? I'm too lazy to upload now. Need to concentrate on breathing.